44 Days: Reflection

I've started to reflect on my journey towards this competition. People keep telling me how much self-control and self-discipline I have, but do I really? Yes, compared to most, I am extremely disciplined and dedicated to this. I truly believe if you want a physique worth admiring, then you need to invest the time, work, and effort to get there. If I (or more likely someone else) has a physique you want, it has nothing to do with genetics, his/her job, family life, gym they train in, etc. It all boils down to their dedication. They want to get somewhere, and they don't take short cuts. The never miss a meal and they train harder than you do. If you are offended, it's most likely because it's the truth... and the truth hurts. Throughout this all, I can honestly say there is not one workout where I didn't push myself and give it my all. True, I have felt better about some than others. Some I have lifted heavier, pulled myself up more times, and some were just easier mentally to get there. Some workouts sucked and all I wanted was to crawl back into bed, or get off the treadmill and onto my couch. But I didn't, and I pushed myself so hard regardless of the situation, I lifted as heavy I could at that instant. And because of that I'm proud. Today, was my hardest workout, mentally, of the week. I had a great 7 sets (3 warmup, 4 actual) of pullups, and then I was ready to be done. I didn't want to increase weight on my lifts, but I did. I didn't want to finish every set, but I did. When I looked at my remaining time on the treadmill and saw 23 minutes, I wanted to quit early. But I didn't. And I'm proud of that. It's hard enough to get to the gym for some people, but it's even harder to make your workout worth your time when you are there. I haven't taken one short cut in the gym, I haven't missed one rep, one set. I have focused on each contraction of each muscle and struggled to maintain my form near perfect as my body want to substitute in every possible way. The 2-3 hours of working out I've done a day, I can confidently say, have been intense and have helped get me where I am. Nutrition, though, is where I can improve.

I have good weeks and I have bad weeks. I have weeks where I have no cravings at all, high energy, and hit my numbers to a T. Then there are weeks where every meal just doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy me. I drag my feet and literally have to go to bed or leave my house or hide the peanut butter jar just to make it through. There are days I've given in to temptation, and there are others where I've overcome the temptations. It's been a battle. 24 hours a day. I look back and think, if only I had been perfect, where would I be at today? How close would I be to making my goals and dreams a reality? But I realize you can't think like that. You can't live in regrets. All I can do, is remind myself how far I've come. This week so far, nutrition has been perfect, and I can't say that it's been easy and without temptations. But I've been removing temptations as an option. I don't give myself the choice. It's like with working out or starting a diet, or starting anything new for that matter, when it gets hard people quit. Why? Because it's hard? Think how much worse it will be if you quit? You will be disappointed, maybe depressed, because you didn't lose the weight, didn't stick with your plans, didn't do whatever it is you set out to do. You will remain the same, or possibly fall further from your goals. And then if you decide to give them another go, guess what? It will still be hard! Instead of giving up, if you have a bad day, dismiss it and try harder the next day. Push yourself to the limits. Stop settling for mediocrity, for being the same as everyone else. Stop relying on others to do things for you or to improve your life. YOU need to do it.

Control your circumstances, or get controlled by them for the 10th year in a row. Drink some concrete, because it's time to harden the f*ck up. - Kris Gethin

I couldn't agree more. If you are unhappy with something in your life, if you complain about your job on a Tuesday and are looking forward to the weekend already, do something about it. Whining on a facebook status won't get you anywhere. All you are doing is making it harder on yourself, and making yourself look pathetic. Instead, show some will power and make a change. That's how I feel about nutrition now. Yes I want to eat a freaking bowl of ice cream and a brownie and a piece of pizza and countless other things. But the time will come for that. Not now. Not when I have a goal to reach. I'm not going to sit here and whine to the world about how hard it is and give in to my mental weakness. Instead, I'm going to get over it, focus on the things I can have, the changes that I've already made, and the compliments I'm getting. I'm not going to throw away my progress for 1 minute of satisfaction. You can't have everything you want in the world, so you need to decide which is more important to you.

It's been a solid week. Carbs were dropped by 10g, cardio was increased to 6 days/week. I am starting to feel my energy levels drop, and know that they will continue to drop as I continue to increase intensity and cut the carbs. But I also know that by getting more sleep and focusing on the final outcome, I can handle it. Winners make commitments no matter the situation; losers make excuses based on their situation. Which one are you?