I no longer have any idea how many days to my competition. I got a new phone last Friday, and no longer have a countdown app that is posted right on the main screen of my phone telling me how many days. Now I have to look it up. An extra step = Stopped counting. Sure, I could easily figure it out/look it up, this app even counts it down to the minute and second, but I've quit.. caring? I don't know if that's the word. But something in me has changed this week.
I broke down in the gym today. In front of the mirrors while I was posing. I sat down and started to cry. I felt weak, lost. I felt that I wasn't motivated. I wasn't driven. I was questioning whether I still wanted this. I questioned why I had given up so much the last 19 weeks and whether or not it was worth it. I was disappointed in my week and all the struggles came out at once. Everyone says to strive for perfection in life. But for me, for this competition, striving isn't enough. I have to be perfect. Have you ever thought about having to be perfect in so many different aspects of your life for so long? It's overwhelming, it's draining, and it's easy to want to quit. I ask myself why? And then I think about if I stepped on stage today, probably already smaller than my competition, and definitely less lean. And I would be so disappointed. I don't want to get on stage and regret all the times I messed up, every time I had more or less food than I should've. Every time I didn't give something all I had to give. I don't want to get up there and look like I haven't been preparing and working my ass off for the past 24 weeks. And that's how I felt I looked today.
I have never EVER been a person who cares about what I looked like. If you went to school with me, you'd know this. I don't care whether or not I've showered that morning, I don't care if my hair is still in the pony tail from yesterday and had been slept in. I don't care if I'm dressed up or wearing sweat pants two sizes to big or if I'm wearing makeup or not etc. Personal hygiene may be a borderline issue, but, I wasn't (I'm still not) worried about that. I never really cared what I've weighed - not even looking at a scale over the last 6 years except when I was home in Iowa - or what I've looked like, so long as I could run as far as I wanted and play any sport I wanted and basically be athletic. And now I find myself checking my weight daily, and if it's not going down or staying the same, I freak out. I find myself judging my body and picking myself apart and noticing every little thing that is not how I want it. And I hate it, but I'm having a hard time controlling it. It's hard not to get so worked up in body image when that's exactly what I'm stepping on stage for. I'm opening myself up to be judged on every aspect of my body and how I present myself and for someone to say whether or not I'm better than the person standing next to me. It sounds awful, yet it's something I want to do. And today it's been driving me nuts while I try to figure out WHY I want this.
I didn't think not having the app on my main screen of my phone was a big deal, but I'm starting to think it is. Without the constant reminder, the constant number of days to go flashing in front of my eyes, I seemed to have lost the reminder I needed to strive for perfection, to be driven and motivated, and to want to win. You might think these are all internal things, that I shouldn't need a reminder to WANT to win. You should just want that. But you don't always think of the end result. You think this one <<insert whatever it is here>> won't hurt me, but it does. And by indulging you've removed yourself farther from the goal. So I'm thinking of my goal. I'm staying motivated. I have 5 weeks to go and I'm turning over a new leaf and throwing out all the crap in my life. 5 weeks. I can do this.
Thank you to everyone I talked to today who gave me support. Thank you for being supportive the past 19 weeks and motivating me when I couldn't motivate myself. I have 5 weeks and I'm going to do my best. That's all I can ask anymore.
And if you're wondering, my competition is in 1 month 5 days 10 hours 20 min and 38 sec, or 1.1 months; 5.06 weeks; 35.43 days; 850.35 hours; 51,020.9 minutes; or 3,062,238 seconds.
5 weeks from tomorrow. 5 weeks to become my best self. Consider it done.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
44 Days: Reflection
I've started to reflect on my journey towards this competition. People keep telling me how much self-control and self-discipline I have, but do I really? Yes, compared to most, I am extremely disciplined and dedicated to this. I truly believe if you want a physique worth admiring, then you need to invest the time, work, and effort to get there. If I (or more likely someone else) has a physique you want, it has nothing to do with genetics, his/her job, family life, gym they train in, etc. It all boils down to their dedication. They want to get somewhere, and they don't take short cuts. The never miss a meal and they train harder than you do. If you are offended, it's most likely because it's the truth... and the truth hurts. Throughout this all, I can honestly say there is not one workout where I didn't push myself and give it my all. True, I have felt better about some than others. Some I have lifted heavier, pulled myself up more times, and some were just easier mentally to get there. Some workouts sucked and all I wanted was to crawl back into bed, or get off the treadmill and onto my couch. But I didn't, and I pushed myself so hard regardless of the situation, I lifted as heavy I could at that instant. And because of that I'm proud. Today, was my hardest workout, mentally, of the week. I had a great 7 sets (3 warmup, 4 actual) of pullups, and then I was ready to be done. I didn't want to increase weight on my lifts, but I did. I didn't want to finish every set, but I did. When I looked at my remaining time on the treadmill and saw 23 minutes, I wanted to quit early. But I didn't. And I'm proud of that. It's hard enough to get to the gym for some people, but it's even harder to make your workout worth your time when you are there. I haven't taken one short cut in the gym, I haven't missed one rep, one set. I have focused on each contraction of each muscle and struggled to maintain my form near perfect as my body want to substitute in every possible way. The 2-3 hours of working out I've done a day, I can confidently say, have been intense and have helped get me where I am. Nutrition, though, is where I can improve.
I have good weeks and I have bad weeks. I have weeks where I have no cravings at all, high energy, and hit my numbers to a T. Then there are weeks where every meal just doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy me. I drag my feet and literally have to go to bed or leave my house or hide the peanut butter jar just to make it through. There are days I've given in to temptation, and there are others where I've overcome the temptations. It's been a battle. 24 hours a day. I look back and think, if only I had been perfect, where would I be at today? How close would I be to making my goals and dreams a reality? But I realize you can't think like that. You can't live in regrets. All I can do, is remind myself how far I've come. This week so far, nutrition has been perfect, and I can't say that it's been easy and without temptations. But I've been removing temptations as an option. I don't give myself the choice. It's like with working out or starting a diet, or starting anything new for that matter, when it gets hard people quit. Why? Because it's hard? Think how much worse it will be if you quit? You will be disappointed, maybe depressed, because you didn't lose the weight, didn't stick with your plans, didn't do whatever it is you set out to do. You will remain the same, or possibly fall further from your goals. And then if you decide to give them another go, guess what? It will still be hard! Instead of giving up, if you have a bad day, dismiss it and try harder the next day. Push yourself to the limits. Stop settling for mediocrity, for being the same as everyone else. Stop relying on others to do things for you or to improve your life. YOU need to do it.
It's been a solid week. Carbs were dropped by 10g, cardio was increased to 6 days/week. I am starting to feel my energy levels drop, and know that they will continue to drop as I continue to increase intensity and cut the carbs. But I also know that by getting more sleep and focusing on the final outcome, I can handle it. Winners make commitments no matter the situation; losers make excuses based on their situation. Which one are you?
I have good weeks and I have bad weeks. I have weeks where I have no cravings at all, high energy, and hit my numbers to a T. Then there are weeks where every meal just doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy me. I drag my feet and literally have to go to bed or leave my house or hide the peanut butter jar just to make it through. There are days I've given in to temptation, and there are others where I've overcome the temptations. It's been a battle. 24 hours a day. I look back and think, if only I had been perfect, where would I be at today? How close would I be to making my goals and dreams a reality? But I realize you can't think like that. You can't live in regrets. All I can do, is remind myself how far I've come. This week so far, nutrition has been perfect, and I can't say that it's been easy and without temptations. But I've been removing temptations as an option. I don't give myself the choice. It's like with working out or starting a diet, or starting anything new for that matter, when it gets hard people quit. Why? Because it's hard? Think how much worse it will be if you quit? You will be disappointed, maybe depressed, because you didn't lose the weight, didn't stick with your plans, didn't do whatever it is you set out to do. You will remain the same, or possibly fall further from your goals. And then if you decide to give them another go, guess what? It will still be hard! Instead of giving up, if you have a bad day, dismiss it and try harder the next day. Push yourself to the limits. Stop settling for mediocrity, for being the same as everyone else. Stop relying on others to do things for you or to improve your life. YOU need to do it.
Control your circumstances, or get controlled by them for the 10th year in a row. Drink some concrete, because it's time to harden the f*ck up. - Kris GethinI couldn't agree more. If you are unhappy with something in your life, if you complain about your job on a Tuesday and are looking forward to the weekend already, do something about it. Whining on a facebook status won't get you anywhere. All you are doing is making it harder on yourself, and making yourself look pathetic. Instead, show some will power and make a change. That's how I feel about nutrition now. Yes I want to eat a freaking bowl of ice cream and a brownie and a piece of pizza and countless other things. But the time will come for that. Not now. Not when I have a goal to reach. I'm not going to sit here and whine to the world about how hard it is and give in to my mental weakness. Instead, I'm going to get over it, focus on the things I can have, the changes that I've already made, and the compliments I'm getting. I'm not going to throw away my progress for 1 minute of satisfaction. You can't have everything you want in the world, so you need to decide which is more important to you.
It's been a solid week. Carbs were dropped by 10g, cardio was increased to 6 days/week. I am starting to feel my energy levels drop, and know that they will continue to drop as I continue to increase intensity and cut the carbs. But I also know that by getting more sleep and focusing on the final outcome, I can handle it. Winners make commitments no matter the situation; losers make excuses based on their situation. Which one are you?
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Day 46: Yummy Yummy Cravings
So I've started to have cravings. But the good thing is, I'm cheap (shocker) and my kitchen is not stocked with baked goods and candy galore, so I'm not having a problem. I've actually started making a list of things I can't wait to eat. Austin was so kind to help me make the list. Here it goes, in no particular order:
1. Beer and Wings. And celery. Let's make it somewhat healthy. And I want to stuff myself until I fall asleep. Perfect.
2. DiGiorno Supreme Pizza. Not just any DiGiorno pizza. I want the box that comes with chocolate chip cookies and breadsticks. The crust is amazing.
3. Stouffer's Lasagne.. party sized. I don't even really like lasagne, but I'm just wanting it. And I will eat one layer at a time scraping off all the sauce and cheese, eating it, and then eat the noodle clean. Don't judge me. I also eat all of the chocolate off my butterfingers before eating those. And it tastes good that way.
4. Ice cream made out of only bananas.. and then with peanut butter and chocolate chips. Thank you Austin for introducing this to me.
5. Puppy chow. Not crappy puppy chow either. Double peanut butter, half chocolate. Just like Anne taught me.
6. Cheese and crackers and salami. And I just want triscuits, nothing fancy (thanks for the idea Taylor)
7. Ice Cream. I want chocolate chip cookie dough, double strawberry, bunny tracks, cookies 'n creme, vanilla with a scoop of peanut butter and bananas. All at the same time. Yum.
8. Angel Food Cake. It's a staple in my life.. well around my birthday.
9. Cookies - ginger snaps, chocolate chip with barely any chocolate chips, crazy ones with candy that you can find on pintrest. What a weird site. Yup, I said it.
10. Mexican food and margaritas. Chips and Salsa. I want Salty Iguana's Enchiladas del Mar with the white sauce and I want to eat it while looking at Bill's face during Hawk Talk.
11. Caramel brownies like my mom makes. Mmm.
12. Smores Bars .. CJ and I made these last February. So. Freaking. Good.
13. Peanut Butter, Banana, Marshmallow Sandwich. Don't knock it til you try it. I created this in McCollum (my freshman dorm.. duh) and its the shit. Step 1. Toast your bread. Step 2. Tear apart some marshmallows, spread them on 1 slice and microwave 30s. Make sure you watch it because they will get huge. Step 3. Spread PB on the other slice. Step 4. Cut up a banana and put it on the PB. Step 5. Smoosh it together. Step 6. Grab a napkin, wet wipe, or just take off your shirt and take a shower post sandwich because its messy but SO GOOD. Step 7. Close your eyes and eat and take all the flavor in. You're welcome
14. French Toast. Plain, stuffed with strawberries, topped with syrup, peanut butter, cinnamon, fruit, whatever. Yum. I will learn how to make this one day..
I think this sums it up pretty well. 46 Days until I can start baking. And Halloween candy will be on sale so I shall have a candy bowl as well. Life is good. Until then, I'm off to the gym! Heavy lifting and lots of chicken are in my near future!
1. Beer and Wings. And celery. Let's make it somewhat healthy. And I want to stuff myself until I fall asleep. Perfect.
2. DiGiorno Supreme Pizza. Not just any DiGiorno pizza. I want the box that comes with chocolate chip cookies and breadsticks. The crust is amazing.
3. Stouffer's Lasagne.. party sized. I don't even really like lasagne, but I'm just wanting it. And I will eat one layer at a time scraping off all the sauce and cheese, eating it, and then eat the noodle clean. Don't judge me. I also eat all of the chocolate off my butterfingers before eating those. And it tastes good that way.
4. Ice cream made out of only bananas.. and then with peanut butter and chocolate chips. Thank you Austin for introducing this to me.
5. Puppy chow. Not crappy puppy chow either. Double peanut butter, half chocolate. Just like Anne taught me.
6. Cheese and crackers and salami. And I just want triscuits, nothing fancy (thanks for the idea Taylor)
7. Ice Cream. I want chocolate chip cookie dough, double strawberry, bunny tracks, cookies 'n creme, vanilla with a scoop of peanut butter and bananas. All at the same time. Yum.
8. Angel Food Cake. It's a staple in my life.. well around my birthday.
9. Cookies - ginger snaps, chocolate chip with barely any chocolate chips, crazy ones with candy that you can find on pintrest. What a weird site. Yup, I said it.
10. Mexican food and margaritas. Chips and Salsa. I want Salty Iguana's Enchiladas del Mar with the white sauce and I want to eat it while looking at Bill's face during Hawk Talk.
11. Caramel brownies like my mom makes. Mmm.
12. Smores Bars .. CJ and I made these last February. So. Freaking. Good.
13. Peanut Butter, Banana, Marshmallow Sandwich. Don't knock it til you try it. I created this in McCollum (my freshman dorm.. duh) and its the shit. Step 1. Toast your bread. Step 2. Tear apart some marshmallows, spread them on 1 slice and microwave 30s. Make sure you watch it because they will get huge. Step 3. Spread PB on the other slice. Step 4. Cut up a banana and put it on the PB. Step 5. Smoosh it together. Step 6. Grab a napkin, wet wipe, or just take off your shirt and take a shower post sandwich because its messy but SO GOOD. Step 7. Close your eyes and eat and take all the flavor in. You're welcome
14. French Toast. Plain, stuffed with strawberries, topped with syrup, peanut butter, cinnamon, fruit, whatever. Yum. I will learn how to make this one day..
I think this sums it up pretty well. 46 Days until I can start baking. And Halloween candy will be on sale so I shall have a candy bowl as well. Life is good. Until then, I'm off to the gym! Heavy lifting and lots of chicken are in my near future!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
48 Days: Barbie or Britney?
I painted my nails yesterday for this first time in a grip. And they turned out beautifully. Barbie pink and all. It was honestly the most beautiful paint job I have ever completed -- not one chip, not one drip of polish on my skin -- I was impressed with myself. And then I got to work and ruined two of them. Sad day.
It's raining now in Chapel Hill and I'm a bit disappointed. This week has had the most beautiful weather, and I had planned on going hiking with Blizzard in Pitsboro this morning, but the rain but a damper on that idea.. literally. So poor Bliz will just have to suffer through my day of studying, again. Sometimes the life of a dog must be extremely boring.
This week was uneventful. Lots of school work, lots of reading, lots of working. I had some great workouts this week, though. I gave up on the 6am gym sessions because I felt I wasn't able to push myself as well, and that the quality of my workout was highly variable. So I started going around 7:30 pm, gym is dead. The workouts have been much better but I don't like that now I'm sleeping in until 6/630 am. I feel like I'm wasting my day, even though I know the majority of you are still sound asleep. That's what happens when you're a morning person. I'm also recently obsessed with the show Prison Break. It came out in 2005 so chances are you've seen it... or you have completely missed it like me. Anyway, it's on Netflix and it is AMAZING. So, so, good I encourage you to blow off everything you have to do and sit down for hours and watch it. You won't regret it. Well, you might regret the blowing things off part, but not the butt-sitting and entertainment.
I was also supposed to have my first posing session with Meredith this week, but unfortunately things came up and we had to reschedule. Such is life. I suppose it will give me more time to practice on my own so I don't look like a complete fool when I first meet her. Yes, I said first. No, I have not yet met the woman I obsessively obey and cling to every word she says. Whatever. It's just like you idolized Britney Spears when you were younger. I bet you wish you never gave up on that dream - you could have had a 55-hour Vegas marriage with your best grade school friend, the same year get engaged to a guy as sexy as K-Fed after knowing him only 3 months (even though his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his 2nd kid), have 2 babies, get divorced, go to rehab for a day, shave your head, go back to rehab, get fat, and then get out and be amazing again. Actually, besides the 3 years of chaos, her life isn't all that bad.
Time seems to be moving slowly lately. I am 7 weeks away from competition, and I feel like it's been forever since I was 10 weeks out. I'm ready for it to be here. Yes, I still have a lot of work to do but I am just eager for it to be November. Ahh, it will be here before I know it though. Just 48 more days..
It's raining now in Chapel Hill and I'm a bit disappointed. This week has had the most beautiful weather, and I had planned on going hiking with Blizzard in Pitsboro this morning, but the rain but a damper on that idea.. literally. So poor Bliz will just have to suffer through my day of studying, again. Sometimes the life of a dog must be extremely boring.
This week was uneventful. Lots of school work, lots of reading, lots of working. I had some great workouts this week, though. I gave up on the 6am gym sessions because I felt I wasn't able to push myself as well, and that the quality of my workout was highly variable. So I started going around 7:30 pm, gym is dead. The workouts have been much better but I don't like that now I'm sleeping in until 6/630 am. I feel like I'm wasting my day, even though I know the majority of you are still sound asleep. That's what happens when you're a morning person. I'm also recently obsessed with the show Prison Break. It came out in 2005 so chances are you've seen it... or you have completely missed it like me. Anyway, it's on Netflix and it is AMAZING. So, so, good I encourage you to blow off everything you have to do and sit down for hours and watch it. You won't regret it. Well, you might regret the blowing things off part, but not the butt-sitting and entertainment.
I was also supposed to have my first posing session with Meredith this week, but unfortunately things came up and we had to reschedule. Such is life. I suppose it will give me more time to practice on my own so I don't look like a complete fool when I first meet her. Yes, I said first. No, I have not yet met the woman I obsessively obey and cling to every word she says. Whatever. It's just like you idolized Britney Spears when you were younger. I bet you wish you never gave up on that dream - you could have had a 55-hour Vegas marriage with your best grade school friend, the same year get engaged to a guy as sexy as K-Fed after knowing him only 3 months (even though his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his 2nd kid), have 2 babies, get divorced, go to rehab for a day, shave your head, go back to rehab, get fat, and then get out and be amazing again. Actually, besides the 3 years of chaos, her life isn't all that bad.
Time seems to be moving slowly lately. I am 7 weeks away from competition, and I feel like it's been forever since I was 10 weeks out. I'm ready for it to be here. Yes, I still have a lot of work to do but I am just eager for it to be November. Ahh, it will be here before I know it though. Just 48 more days..
Friday, September 7, 2012
57 Days: Tears on the Treadmill
I am proud of myself. My good friend Stephanie wanted to go to celebrate her birthday at a mexican restaurant. I didn't eat one chip or have one sip of a margarita, and still enjoyed the company. Didn't get to bed until about 11:30pm - which is super late, but still woke up by 6:30am so that I could get to the gym before work.
I had a pretty great chest workout, increased weight and reps and felt good throughout. This whole week has been a great week of workouts, but I hadn't gotten too many days of cardio in, so I'll be hitting the gym this weekend too. Which I'm perfectly happy about. I'd give up days of 3 hour workouts and put in two extra 40 minute days. Worth it. Anyway, this morning I was on the treadmill (16% incline 3.0 mph and still keeping my HR within range. Getting fit!) I was doing my daily reading of SI, and I stumbled upon, well flipped to, an article about the Georgia baseball team. Oh. My. Gosh. Tear jerker. I don't know when I become so soft. I think it was when I lived with some soccer guys the summer after my junior year of college and one of them introduced me to Soap.net and the great show The O.C. Yup. I hadn't seen more than an episode before and every day when I came home from summer school we would sit on the couch and watch this show. Anyway, that led me to Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, etc, etc and now I'm a softy and cry whenever I read articles and watch TV shows/movies. So there I was on the treadmill, sweating all over the belt and the SI magazine, and the tears started flowing. I am sure I looked like a fool, but it was such a sad situation. Makes me feel blessed to have everything I do have in my life and a healthy family and all my friends who are such a great support and amazing people. Blessed.
I made it to work, where they were giving us all cake to celebrate the months birthdays/anniversaries and what not. Turned that down as well. I am having such a great week - 100% with my nutrition, great workouts - and I am not giving that up, so I said no. Another great thing that happened at work, I spent about 2 minutes in an elevator.. just standing there before I realized it wasn't moving because I hadn't pressed the button. Interesting day to say the least.
I also got tonight, Sunday brunch, and Wednesday night off work since we are overstaffed which is GREAT. More time to devote to my school and my fitness and my Bliz. So today after work, I took her to the trails and we explored for two hours. It was the best. Tomorrow, we are off to the quarry to hike and swim. I love my puppy time!
Well there's a lot I have to do this weekend. Hope yours is great, because I know mine will be!
I had a pretty great chest workout, increased weight and reps and felt good throughout. This whole week has been a great week of workouts, but I hadn't gotten too many days of cardio in, so I'll be hitting the gym this weekend too. Which I'm perfectly happy about. I'd give up days of 3 hour workouts and put in two extra 40 minute days. Worth it. Anyway, this morning I was on the treadmill (16% incline 3.0 mph and still keeping my HR within range. Getting fit!) I was doing my daily reading of SI, and I stumbled upon, well flipped to, an article about the Georgia baseball team. Oh. My. Gosh. Tear jerker. I don't know when I become so soft. I think it was when I lived with some soccer guys the summer after my junior year of college and one of them introduced me to Soap.net and the great show The O.C. Yup. I hadn't seen more than an episode before and every day when I came home from summer school we would sit on the couch and watch this show. Anyway, that led me to Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, etc, etc and now I'm a softy and cry whenever I read articles and watch TV shows/movies. So there I was on the treadmill, sweating all over the belt and the SI magazine, and the tears started flowing. I am sure I looked like a fool, but it was such a sad situation. Makes me feel blessed to have everything I do have in my life and a healthy family and all my friends who are such a great support and amazing people. Blessed.
I made it to work, where they were giving us all cake to celebrate the months birthdays/anniversaries and what not. Turned that down as well. I am having such a great week - 100% with my nutrition, great workouts - and I am not giving that up, so I said no. Another great thing that happened at work, I spent about 2 minutes in an elevator.. just standing there before I realized it wasn't moving because I hadn't pressed the button. Interesting day to say the least.
I also got tonight, Sunday brunch, and Wednesday night off work since we are overstaffed which is GREAT. More time to devote to my school and my fitness and my Bliz. So today after work, I took her to the trails and we explored for two hours. It was the best. Tomorrow, we are off to the quarry to hike and swim. I love my puppy time!
Well there's a lot I have to do this weekend. Hope yours is great, because I know mine will be!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Tuesday's Expletive
How is it 10pm already? There is still so much I should be doing. Yikes.
Today started with me snoozing my alarm for a good hour and a half. I thought about turning it off and resetting it, but I've done that before and somehow messed up the "resetting it" part. Luckily Bliz has a pretty great internal clock and woke me up on time, but its not something I like to test out. 4:30 this morning just wasn't happening for me. So instead, I did my lifting during my lunch break and I am going to have to do some cardio over the weekend. This weekend isn't full of work shifts, so I should have no problem getting it in.
My workout today was bis, tris, and core and it was THE BEST workout I've had in so long. I started with barbell curls, which I usually am bitching about by the 3rd set. But today, I sucked it up, increased weight, and pumped out my 12 reps and 12 partials. It felt great. The rest of the workout went in a similar fashion and I increased weight on EVERY. SINGLE. LIFT. Love that feeling. The workout lasted a good hour and 50 minutes, so I was late to class but, thats a little price to pay for such a great gym experience. Seriously. I wish I could feel like that every day. I know it's unrealistic, but attitude has so much to do with it. Usually on my barbell curls, I am hating every moment of it that on the next set I convince myself I won't be able to keep the weight and need to drop. Or that I need to do fewer reps. But today I told myself I was going to keep the weight. If I didn't make it, so be it, but I was going to try. I'm not going to lie, I was cursing and dropping the f-bomb on every rep past 7, possibly loudly since I've taken to blaring my music, but I got there. The expletives were worth it.
Well folks, I've finished my last meal for the day and only have 13 minutes left in these heels so I'm off to bed. Hope your Tuesday was as awesome as mine! Keep pushing through these next few days and we'll be back to the weekend!
Today started with me snoozing my alarm for a good hour and a half. I thought about turning it off and resetting it, but I've done that before and somehow messed up the "resetting it" part. Luckily Bliz has a pretty great internal clock and woke me up on time, but its not something I like to test out. 4:30 this morning just wasn't happening for me. So instead, I did my lifting during my lunch break and I am going to have to do some cardio over the weekend. This weekend isn't full of work shifts, so I should have no problem getting it in.
My workout today was bis, tris, and core and it was THE BEST workout I've had in so long. I started with barbell curls, which I usually am bitching about by the 3rd set. But today, I sucked it up, increased weight, and pumped out my 12 reps and 12 partials. It felt great. The rest of the workout went in a similar fashion and I increased weight on EVERY. SINGLE. LIFT. Love that feeling. The workout lasted a good hour and 50 minutes, so I was late to class but, thats a little price to pay for such a great gym experience. Seriously. I wish I could feel like that every day. I know it's unrealistic, but attitude has so much to do with it. Usually on my barbell curls, I am hating every moment of it that on the next set I convince myself I won't be able to keep the weight and need to drop. Or that I need to do fewer reps. But today I told myself I was going to keep the weight. If I didn't make it, so be it, but I was going to try. I'm not going to lie, I was cursing and dropping the f-bomb on every rep past 7, possibly loudly since I've taken to blaring my music, but I got there. The expletives were worth it.
Well folks, I've finished my last meal for the day and only have 13 minutes left in these heels so I'm off to bed. Hope your Tuesday was as awesome as mine! Keep pushing through these next few days and we'll be back to the weekend!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Recipe: Banana Walnut Protein Bread
I got this recipe from Little B. I altered it ever so slightly. Remember that it contains no preservatives so must be refrigerated and it is dense!
Ingredients:
2 bananas
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 scoops vanilla protein powder
6 oz nonfat Greek yogurt
3 egg whites
1/4 c unsweetened applesauce
~1/4 c sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp baking soda
pinch of salt
1/2 c chopped walnuts
Directions:
1. Blend bananas until they are a pudding consistency.
2. Preheat oven to 375.
3. Add in yogurt, applesauce, egg whites, and vanilla extract and mix.
4. Add in remaining ingredients (except walnuts) and mix until smooth.
5. Fold in walnuts by hand.
6. Pour evenly into a prepared bread loaf pan.
7. Bake 35-45 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.
Nutrition Info (based on my ingredients):
Calories: 155
Carbs: 18.4g
Protein: 13.2g
Fat: 5.4g
Makes 8 servings
Tastes great with a little bit of peanut butter spread on top!
Ingredients:
2 bananas
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 scoops vanilla protein powder
6 oz nonfat Greek yogurt
3 egg whites
1/4 c unsweetened applesauce
~1/4 c sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp baking soda
pinch of salt
1/2 c chopped walnuts
Directions:
1. Blend bananas until they are a pudding consistency.
2. Preheat oven to 375.
3. Add in yogurt, applesauce, egg whites, and vanilla extract and mix.
4. Add in remaining ingredients (except walnuts) and mix until smooth.
5. Fold in walnuts by hand.
6. Pour evenly into a prepared bread loaf pan.
7. Bake 35-45 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.
Nutrition Info (based on my ingredients):
Calories: 155
Carbs: 18.4g
Protein: 13.2g
Fat: 5.4g
Makes 8 servings
Tastes great with a little bit of peanut butter spread on top!
61 Days: Cookin' in Heels
Some days are harder then others to be perfect. No, I don't mean perfect in the sense that I am really unbelievably awesome (which is probably true), I mean with the nutrition. I want to get up on that stage in 2 months and be proud of how hard I worked and feel like I couldn't have done 1 thing differently. I want to say I didn't cheat and that I did better than expected and that I gave it my all. But in all reality, it's much harder then just saying you can do it - you have to actually do it. I have 8 weeks and 5 days to step it up. I have 61 days to lose ~ 5-7% body fat. I have 1,464 hours that I can't mess up. It seems like I have plenty of time to get there, but I'm more concerned with having plenty of time to blow it.
I know I shouldn't think like that. I am working my ass off and being very disciplined 99% of the time. But it's that 1% I'm worried about. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to repeat my marathon experience in 2006. I want to be the best. I want to be MY best. This is all Harris Teeter's fault. They sold ice cream sandwiches for 97 cents. And I am a sucker for ice cream sandwiches. I went to the store JUST for them. How easy would that have been to avoid? It was a Sunday only special.. and I was planning on getting them since Thursday. Pathetic. I've told myself I would only eat 1/week until the competition.. indulge just enough to be perfect the rest of the week. But after doing that this Sunday.. I feel guilt. I feel like I'm giving up for a moment - one HELL of a moment I might add - of delicious, finger licking, ice cream. Thats 30g of carbs. Do you know how many cups of broccoli I could've had? Five! And I love broccoli. And I would've been full (maybe gassy too but.. I live alone and Blizzard loves me no matter what). But I opted for the treat and now I have to get myself back on track. I told this to someone today and they thought that I was being too regimented. They also told me I wouldn't be attractive anymore if I lost 5% body fat. To that I responded, Well, it's a good thing I'm not doing this so you'll find me attractive. I'm doing it for me. And I am right. I am doing this for me. I am doing this to see how dedicated and disciplined I can do. I am doing it to see if I really can work hard enough and quit making excuses to achieve my goals. I'm testing myself. And I want to accomplish this for myself. Not for them. I really believe that the only way you will reach a goal is if YOU are the one who wants to reach the goal. You need to do it for YOU.
Besides that moment of weakness (or moments since it was planned), things have been good. I've worked hard in the gym and increased weight steadily. On Mondays I get to do 25 pullups, splitting them up anyway I can, and this week I got 8-7-6-3. Not bad. My goal for next week is just to get 8-8-7-2, and the next week to do it in 3 sets. I can do it, I'm not worried. Nutrition today has been wonderful, cooked 4 pounds of chicken, a pound of tilapia, and a pound of hamburger in my figure heels. Breaking those babies in! I love them. I love heels. I used to get to wear them all the time in Kansas but people here never sport them. And I never go out anymore so.. that plays a big part in it. Maybe after this competition I'll never take them off. Plan is to wear them at least an hour a day. My right one fits perfectly, my left one squishes my pinky toe a bit and it won't lie flat.. I had to use a knife (butter) to get it to flatten out. But I got it there :)
I also made a new recipe today. Banana Walnut Protein Bread. I'll post the recipe in a minute for you. I think it's very good, especially warmed up with a teeny amount of peanut butter spread on it. I do think my mom's chocolate chip banana bread is better.. but this is healthier and its still delish.
Well homies, I need to plan out my nutrition for the weeks. I don't want any mistakes, any regrets this week. I want my weight to start decreasing and my body fat to drop. I am going to get there, and I am going to be perfect this week. You can be too.
I know I shouldn't think like that. I am working my ass off and being very disciplined 99% of the time. But it's that 1% I'm worried about. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to repeat my marathon experience in 2006. I want to be the best. I want to be MY best. This is all Harris Teeter's fault. They sold ice cream sandwiches for 97 cents. And I am a sucker for ice cream sandwiches. I went to the store JUST for them. How easy would that have been to avoid? It was a Sunday only special.. and I was planning on getting them since Thursday. Pathetic. I've told myself I would only eat 1/week until the competition.. indulge just enough to be perfect the rest of the week. But after doing that this Sunday.. I feel guilt. I feel like I'm giving up for a moment - one HELL of a moment I might add - of delicious, finger licking, ice cream. Thats 30g of carbs. Do you know how many cups of broccoli I could've had? Five! And I love broccoli. And I would've been full (maybe gassy too but.. I live alone and Blizzard loves me no matter what). But I opted for the treat and now I have to get myself back on track. I told this to someone today and they thought that I was being too regimented. They also told me I wouldn't be attractive anymore if I lost 5% body fat. To that I responded, Well, it's a good thing I'm not doing this so you'll find me attractive. I'm doing it for me. And I am right. I am doing this for me. I am doing this to see how dedicated and disciplined I can do. I am doing it to see if I really can work hard enough and quit making excuses to achieve my goals. I'm testing myself. And I want to accomplish this for myself. Not for them. I really believe that the only way you will reach a goal is if YOU are the one who wants to reach the goal. You need to do it for YOU.
Besides that moment of weakness (or moments since it was planned), things have been good. I've worked hard in the gym and increased weight steadily. On Mondays I get to do 25 pullups, splitting them up anyway I can, and this week I got 8-7-6-3. Not bad. My goal for next week is just to get 8-8-7-2, and the next week to do it in 3 sets. I can do it, I'm not worried. Nutrition today has been wonderful, cooked 4 pounds of chicken, a pound of tilapia, and a pound of hamburger in my figure heels. Breaking those babies in! I love them. I love heels. I used to get to wear them all the time in Kansas but people here never sport them. And I never go out anymore so.. that plays a big part in it. Maybe after this competition I'll never take them off. Plan is to wear them at least an hour a day. My right one fits perfectly, my left one squishes my pinky toe a bit and it won't lie flat.. I had to use a knife (butter) to get it to flatten out. But I got it there :)
I also made a new recipe today. Banana Walnut Protein Bread. I'll post the recipe in a minute for you. I think it's very good, especially warmed up with a teeny amount of peanut butter spread on it. I do think my mom's chocolate chip banana bread is better.. but this is healthier and its still delish.
Well homies, I need to plan out my nutrition for the weeks. I don't want any mistakes, any regrets this week. I want my weight to start decreasing and my body fat to drop. I am going to get there, and I am going to be perfect this week. You can be too.
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