Looking Back

Well it's been about 3 weeks since my last post, apologies. The weeks up to the competition were crazy for me. I wasn't nervous - I had put in the work and just had to continue what I had been doing the last 20+ weeks - but I was overwhelmed with everything I had to get done.

Mary came to paint me. What an experience. Plenty of inappropriate comments while I stood in my birthday suit with my leg propped on the arm of a chair so she could get the right lighting on me. And I was freezing. It was below 60* in my apartment. Yes, I could've turned on the heat, but I only have so much money to spend, gotta be wise with your finances folks! We also realized how AWFUL my apartment lighting is.. in every room. We had to reposition lamps and I was continuously moving to make sure there weren't streaks and the color was even. It was a process. But thanks Mary. I don't know what I would have done if she weren't there!

The competition itself was such an incredible thing. I loved every minute of it. Seriously. In the morning it was just men's open body building before me - so we figured I'd have at least an hour and a half before getting on stage. Ummm.. no. Probably 25 minutes after starting they were making last call for all open figure competitors. Were my shoes on? Toes taped? Lipstick on, earrings in, suit glued down? No. And I still had to pump up and get oiled down. I started freaking out. I was so flustered I couldn't tear off a piece of tape for my toes, it took like 5 minutes just to get my heels on. I was shaking. There were no available weights so I just started doing pushups and dips in my heels and in a suit that was riding up my ass. Nothing out of the ordinary back stage. Then I went to get oiled up and was still so flustered that I couldn't even think how awkward it was that a line of guys were sitting there staring at all of us and 2 other guys with rubber gloves were criscoing up my chest and thighs. Whatever, they probably hate their jobs by the end of the day. I walked out on stage and hit my poses perfectly (well I'm sure they weren't perfect but.. pretty solid) and just felt like I was radiating. I couldn't stop smiling. I love it. And I didn't fall.. Always a plus!

Meredith and Mary were there for me in the morning and it was so wonderful hearing them on stage and having support to talk to after getting off stage. Seriously made my day that they were both there to share this moment since they had both but so supportive throughout the entire process.

Mary and I then went to my Kansas-neighbor-turned-NC-friend Jack's place and watched football and relaxed with him, Katie, and Bliz (who they were watching.. so nice of them!). We had to be back at the theater at 4:45 so the rest of the night was pretty long. Watched the first half of the show to support a friend I made (yes, I still remember her name :) ), and then hung out back stage watching other people finish up, stuff their faces, and clear out. I had plenty of time to get ready and get nervous for the night show. Also didn't help that so many of my wonderful PT friends came out to support me! And apparently a guy had done a little break dancing on stage before we went out. So hitting my poses at night was not as great, but honestly it didn't matter.

This week since has been interesting. It's so nice to have a social life again and let loose a bit. But at the same time, my nutrition is off. I feel like I should be indulging - even though I don't particularly want to - so then I do and my stomach has hurt all week basically. I also only took Sunday off from the gym, but I go there and have no plan and no idea what to work and I hate it. It's nice to have freedom but I need more structure. So that's what I'm working on this weekend - meal plans and workout plans for the next few weeks.

I have yet to decide if I'll compete again. I love the idea of having a goal, of being dedicated to something and living this healthy and strong lifestyle. But my goal all along was just to dedicate myself to the training, work hard, stick with it, and compete - and I did that. So maybe it's time to explore something else.. but maybe I'd like to do it at least 1 more time. Who knows!

2 Weeks and Counting!

It has been SUCH a wonderful week - both with competition stuff, and otherwise. I'm just feeling so great about everything and I hope this high can continue to carry me through the next two weeks!

Everything is falling into place for the competition quite nicely. I practiced posing with Meredith yesterday and even though there were a number of things I needed to fix about my positioning, I just left feeling like I really can and am doing this. My posing is coming together nicely, we worked on my wave and walking on and off the stage and then just had a nice talk. I got some things off my chest and she reassured me on so many things. I'm feeling very excited for this competition and know that as long as I keep doing what I've been doing, come the 3rd it's completely beyond my control what happens, and honestly that takes a lot of pressure off.

Today I put on my tanner for the first time on my forearm and holy hell I changed races real quick.

That's one coat. I'll be putting on two. :) I then bought a heap of makeup to match my new skin color - okay not a heap but, yanno, bought makeup. Honestly, that was the first time I've ever bought makeup for myself. What an experience. The MAC lady was super confused when I told her I wanted makeup to match the paint. She eventually caught on and also taught me how to put on eyeshadow. You would think growing up in a house with 4 sisters I would've learned this before, but alas. I practiced tonight after my shower and I think I did pretty well. I'll keep working on it :)

I've also come to love Chai Tea.. from anywhere really.. and have started to make it at home. I act like this has been going on a while. No. This started yesterday. For the last 2 weeks or so I've been getting headaches around 4:30 every day and it's most likely due to my diet. So I've been trying to incorporate some caffeine in around that time to avoid having a headache. Well, little did I know, Chai Tea does not have caffeine, but it's still good. So I'm pretending it helps and then I'm also taking an ibuprofen or something of the sort. Hah whatever, I'm enjoying myself.

2 weeks to go. 14 Days to give it my all and accomplish my goals. Time to get to work :)

3 Weeks: Rock Chalk

3 Weeks from now and I'll already be done with the pre-judging and awaiting show time! I've been working on getting all the small details in place this week - jewelry, tanning, eyelashes, bikini glue, body paint, etc. It is making it so real.. not that it wasn't real before, but there are constant reminders that it is just right around the corner now. I've completed over 20 weeks of training, and with 3 more to go, I'm just now realizing that the end result doesn't really matter. All I want is to enjoy myself when I'm on stage and be thankful for all of the people who have supported me and helped me get there. It really is about the journey, not the destination. Of course I'd love to bring home a trophy, but all along that wasn't my main goal. My goals for this competition were simple: I wanted to train the whole time and not give up, I wanted to prove to myself that I could be 100% committed and dedicated to something and withstand any peer pressure I felt along the way that would deviate me from my goals, and I wanted to challenge my body in a way it hasn't been challenged. So far, I feel like I've done great. I have 20 more days to count my macros and hit my numbers, 20 more opportunities to work on posing and getting a good lat spread and 20 more days of workouts - lifting and/or cardio. I have plenty of opportunities to keep fulfilling my goals and to keep improving. Positive thoughts, only, on this end.

On a non-competition related note, last night was KU's Late Night in the Phog. I was luckily able to stream it online and got to get chills with every other Jayhawk as we watched the "Dream On" intro video that they only show on Late Night

We had fans lined up outside since 9am for it.. doors didn't open until 4:30pm. 2,000 fans were turned away..

Being a Jayhawk is an incredible feeling. I love everything about Kansas. "Last year we said to enjoy the process [of a rebuilding year] ... The process worked out OK last year" -Bill Self. Rock Chalk!

27 Days: Within My Reach

We are on the home stretch. Under 4 weeks to go and I'm feeling good. Nutrition is going well, workouts are going well, and my body is responding well. It's been a nice weekend, not too much to do - no tests to study for - but enough to keep me productive and not feeling bored.

My sister, Mary, was able to find a SUPER cheat flight (seriously, if you are going somewhere check Southwest NOW!) to come down to paint me and she is going to come to my competition. I'm really excited to know someone will be there for me all day and to have her support! Thanks, Mare! I'm also excited to celebrate with her after.

Today, is just a cardio day for my workout. 40 minutes on the treadmill and I'll be done. I'll also probably do a little yoga because my body is very tight and sore from this last week of workouts. The workouts were still brutal this week with the 30s rests, but weight has improved. I realized its much easier for me to suck it up and push heavy after 30s with my legs then it is with my upper body. I'll curse and scream (not really on the screaming.. I'm not one of those lifters, but cursing is fair game in my opinion) with each rep, but I'll still get it done. Probably why my legs are 1000x more sore than anything else. I also like hitting them twice a week. They've been split up into quad emphasis one day and glute/ham emphasis the other. My upper body I'm still lifting heavy, but I can't force myself to get the weight up if my body is exhausted - too much sacrifice of form and compensation by other muscles.

Well, that's all I've got for today. I'm going to redo my meals for this week to add some variety and try some new recipes from the Everyday Paleo cookbook Mary got me. I'll let you know if I find anything healthy easy and delicious! Have a great week.

Birthday Cramps!

Happy happy birthday to my first roommate and one of my greatest sisters, Joan! I'm so lucky to have her in my life and to have such a wonderful family and support system. They are the greatest!

I love that it's October. I love fall. I am ready for snow though. Might have to spend some time this winter up north to get my fix, last year was a disappointment. I think it snowed one night, but it didn't stick. Extremely lame.

I have spent all of today so far finding new recipes and organizing my recipe notebook. I can't wait to start cooking different things. I found a number of delicious chicken recipes I will knock out these next few weeks and then I'm going to go on a cooking streak. They are all healthy too, which is wonderful.

Besides that, all I've done today is workout (oh and I worked this morning at 6 but that's not important.. besides the income it gives me so that I can pay to compete/train/eat.. maybe it's a little important :) ) and pose. My workout was great (awful). I think I cursed Meredith's name a couple time during the legs. I love it though. I kicked my ass. When I went to walk upstairs to the group fitness rooms to pose, I was waddling. Seriously. I could hardly get off the weight floor. It was ridiculous and awesome at the same time.  But then! when I finally got my heels on (yes that left one is still tricky) and stood up, I got a MASSIVE cramp in my left calf. I sat down immediately and tried to rub it out. No such luck. It stayed contracted - hard as a rock - for about 5 minutes while I just sat there holding it, cursing. You could see the tendon even. It was pretty awesome though, the muscle looked great, just painful. The rest of my posing was great except for the occasional (minor) calf cramps but now I feel like they are both knotted up and they are hurting. I guess I'll have to give myself a nice little massage tonight after cardio.

5 Weeks and It's Official

Five weeks from Saturday, I will be back stage getting ready for the show. I'm excited. You probably think I'm living on an emotional roller coaster given my last post to now me being excited, and honestly, I probably am. On bad days I second guess myself, on good days I'm ready to tackle this thing head on. Whatever.

I have officially (finally) registered for the competition. Quincy Robert's Elite Muscle Classic.

I'm excited. Have I said that yet? It seems so real now. I also start tanning this week. I can't even remember the last time I was in a tanning bed. Only going a few times this week and next and then I get painted. This makes it seem ridiculously real and way too ridiculously close. Can hardly handle it. My posing is coming along nicely. I am no longer feeling completely off balance when I lean forward --already 5" up on my toes and I'm supposed to lean forward.. that's fun -- and my arches haven't been cramping up as much either. All good.

Last week, we switched up my workouts to doing more isolation movements and decreasing rest from 2 minutes between sets to ~30s. I used to always do 30s rests.. or no rest. I'd just superset or active rest my whole workout. But now dropping down to 30s. Holy crap. It hits me like a ton of bricks to the face when that 30s is up. I had chest and biceps today, finished it up with a little core and cardio, then went back for posing. Going to a gym 3x a day is not what I think is ideal.. but with my schedule, whatever I can do to get it in has to work.

Well, folks, tomorrow is a new day. I have lots to do, lots to work on, and lots of planning for the next few weeks. I'm happy and staying positive. 32 Days. It's on! Happy October!

Lost Count and Losing Control

I no longer have any idea how many days to my competition. I got a new phone last Friday, and no longer have a countdown app that is posted right on the main screen of my phone telling me how many days. Now I have to look it up. An extra step = Stopped counting. Sure, I could easily figure it out/look it up, this app even counts it down to the minute and second, but I've quit.. caring? I don't know if that's the word. But something in me has changed this week.

I broke down in the gym today. In front of the mirrors while I was posing. I sat down and started to cry. I felt weak, lost. I felt that I wasn't motivated. I wasn't driven. I was questioning whether I still wanted this. I questioned why I had given up so much the last 19 weeks and whether or not it was worth it. I was disappointed in my week and all the struggles came out at once. Everyone says to strive for perfection in life. But for me, for this competition, striving isn't enough. I have to be perfect. Have you ever thought about having to be perfect in so many different aspects of your life for so long? It's overwhelming, it's draining, and it's easy to want to quit. I ask myself why? And then I think about if I stepped on stage today, probably already smaller than my competition, and definitely less lean. And I would be so disappointed. I don't want to get on stage and regret all the times I messed up, every time I had more or less food than I should've. Every time I didn't give something all I had to give. I don't want to get up there and look like I haven't been preparing and working my ass off for the past 24 weeks. And that's how I felt I looked today.

I have never EVER been a person who cares about what I looked like. If you went to school with me, you'd know this. I don't care whether or not I've showered that morning, I don't care if my hair is still in the pony tail from yesterday and had been slept in. I don't care if I'm dressed up or wearing sweat pants two sizes to big or if I'm wearing makeup or not etc. Personal hygiene may be a borderline issue, but, I wasn't (I'm still not) worried about that. I never really cared what I've weighed - not even looking at a scale over the last 6 years except when I was home in Iowa - or what I've looked like, so long as I could run as far as I wanted and play any sport I wanted and basically be athletic. And now I find myself checking my weight daily, and if it's not going down or staying the same, I freak out. I find myself judging my body and picking myself apart and noticing every little thing that is not how I want it. And I hate it, but I'm having a hard time controlling it. It's hard not to get so worked up in body image when that's exactly what I'm stepping on stage for. I'm opening myself up to be judged on every aspect of my body and how I present myself and for someone to say whether or not I'm better than the person standing next to me. It sounds awful, yet it's something I want to do. And today it's been driving me nuts while I try to figure out WHY I want this.

I didn't think not having the app on my main screen of my phone was a big deal, but I'm starting to think it is. Without the constant reminder, the constant number of days to go flashing in front of my eyes, I seemed to have lost the reminder I needed to strive for perfection, to be driven and motivated, and to want to win. You might think these are all internal things, that I shouldn't need a reminder to WANT to win. You should just want that. But you don't always think of the end result. You think this one <<insert whatever it is here>> won't hurt me, but it does. And by indulging you've removed yourself farther from the goal. So I'm thinking of my goal. I'm staying motivated. I have 5 weeks to go and I'm turning over a new leaf and throwing out all the crap in my life. 5 weeks. I can do this.

Thank you to everyone I talked to today who gave me support. Thank you for being supportive the past 19 weeks and motivating me when I couldn't motivate myself. I have 5 weeks and I'm going to do my best. That's all I can ask anymore.

And if you're wondering, my competition is in 1 month 5 days 10 hours 20 min and 38 sec, or 1.1 months; 5.06 weeks; 35.43 days; 850.35 hours; 51,020.9 minutes; or 3,062,238 seconds.

5 weeks from tomorrow. 5 weeks to become my best self. Consider it done.

44 Days: Reflection

I've started to reflect on my journey towards this competition. People keep telling me how much self-control and self-discipline I have, but do I really? Yes, compared to most, I am extremely disciplined and dedicated to this. I truly believe if you want a physique worth admiring, then you need to invest the time, work, and effort to get there. If I (or more likely someone else) has a physique you want, it has nothing to do with genetics, his/her job, family life, gym they train in, etc. It all boils down to their dedication. They want to get somewhere, and they don't take short cuts. The never miss a meal and they train harder than you do. If you are offended, it's most likely because it's the truth... and the truth hurts. Throughout this all, I can honestly say there is not one workout where I didn't push myself and give it my all. True, I have felt better about some than others. Some I have lifted heavier, pulled myself up more times, and some were just easier mentally to get there. Some workouts sucked and all I wanted was to crawl back into bed, or get off the treadmill and onto my couch. But I didn't, and I pushed myself so hard regardless of the situation, I lifted as heavy I could at that instant. And because of that I'm proud. Today, was my hardest workout, mentally, of the week. I had a great 7 sets (3 warmup, 4 actual) of pullups, and then I was ready to be done. I didn't want to increase weight on my lifts, but I did. I didn't want to finish every set, but I did. When I looked at my remaining time on the treadmill and saw 23 minutes, I wanted to quit early. But I didn't. And I'm proud of that. It's hard enough to get to the gym for some people, but it's even harder to make your workout worth your time when you are there. I haven't taken one short cut in the gym, I haven't missed one rep, one set. I have focused on each contraction of each muscle and struggled to maintain my form near perfect as my body want to substitute in every possible way. The 2-3 hours of working out I've done a day, I can confidently say, have been intense and have helped get me where I am. Nutrition, though, is where I can improve.

I have good weeks and I have bad weeks. I have weeks where I have no cravings at all, high energy, and hit my numbers to a T. Then there are weeks where every meal just doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy me. I drag my feet and literally have to go to bed or leave my house or hide the peanut butter jar just to make it through. There are days I've given in to temptation, and there are others where I've overcome the temptations. It's been a battle. 24 hours a day. I look back and think, if only I had been perfect, where would I be at today? How close would I be to making my goals and dreams a reality? But I realize you can't think like that. You can't live in regrets. All I can do, is remind myself how far I've come. This week so far, nutrition has been perfect, and I can't say that it's been easy and without temptations. But I've been removing temptations as an option. I don't give myself the choice. It's like with working out or starting a diet, or starting anything new for that matter, when it gets hard people quit. Why? Because it's hard? Think how much worse it will be if you quit? You will be disappointed, maybe depressed, because you didn't lose the weight, didn't stick with your plans, didn't do whatever it is you set out to do. You will remain the same, or possibly fall further from your goals. And then if you decide to give them another go, guess what? It will still be hard! Instead of giving up, if you have a bad day, dismiss it and try harder the next day. Push yourself to the limits. Stop settling for mediocrity, for being the same as everyone else. Stop relying on others to do things for you or to improve your life. YOU need to do it.

Control your circumstances, or get controlled by them for the 10th year in a row. Drink some concrete, because it's time to harden the f*ck up. - Kris Gethin

I couldn't agree more. If you are unhappy with something in your life, if you complain about your job on a Tuesday and are looking forward to the weekend already, do something about it. Whining on a facebook status won't get you anywhere. All you are doing is making it harder on yourself, and making yourself look pathetic. Instead, show some will power and make a change. That's how I feel about nutrition now. Yes I want to eat a freaking bowl of ice cream and a brownie and a piece of pizza and countless other things. But the time will come for that. Not now. Not when I have a goal to reach. I'm not going to sit here and whine to the world about how hard it is and give in to my mental weakness. Instead, I'm going to get over it, focus on the things I can have, the changes that I've already made, and the compliments I'm getting. I'm not going to throw away my progress for 1 minute of satisfaction. You can't have everything you want in the world, so you need to decide which is more important to you.

It's been a solid week. Carbs were dropped by 10g, cardio was increased to 6 days/week. I am starting to feel my energy levels drop, and know that they will continue to drop as I continue to increase intensity and cut the carbs. But I also know that by getting more sleep and focusing on the final outcome, I can handle it. Winners make commitments no matter the situation; losers make excuses based on their situation. Which one are you?

Day 46: Yummy Yummy Cravings

So I've started to have cravings. But the good thing is, I'm cheap (shocker) and my kitchen is not stocked with baked goods and candy galore, so I'm not having a problem. I've actually started making a list of things I can't wait to eat. Austin was so kind to help me make the list. Here it goes, in no particular order:

1. Beer and Wings. And celery. Let's make it somewhat healthy. And I want to stuff myself until I fall asleep. Perfect.

2. DiGiorno Supreme Pizza. Not just any DiGiorno pizza. I want the box that comes with chocolate chip cookies and breadsticks. The crust is amazing.

3. Stouffer's Lasagne.. party sized. I don't even really like lasagne, but I'm just wanting it. And I will eat one layer at a time scraping off all the sauce and cheese, eating it, and then eat the noodle clean. Don't judge me. I also eat all of the chocolate off my butterfingers before eating those. And it tastes good that way.

4. Ice cream made out of only bananas.. and then with peanut butter and chocolate chips. Thank you Austin for introducing this to me.

5. Puppy chow. Not crappy puppy chow either. Double peanut butter, half chocolate. Just like Anne taught me.

6. Cheese and crackers and salami. And I just want triscuits, nothing fancy (thanks for the idea Taylor)

7. Ice Cream. I want chocolate chip cookie dough, double strawberry, bunny tracks, cookies 'n creme, vanilla with a scoop of peanut butter and bananas. All at the same time. Yum.

8. Angel Food Cake. It's a staple in my life.. well around my birthday.

9. Cookies - ginger snaps, chocolate chip with barely any chocolate chips, crazy ones with candy that you can find on pintrest. What a weird site. Yup, I said it.

10. Mexican food and margaritas. Chips and Salsa. I want Salty Iguana's Enchiladas del Mar with the white sauce and I want to eat it while looking at Bill's face during Hawk Talk.

11. Caramel brownies like my mom makes. Mmm.

12. Smores Bars .. CJ and I made these last February. So. Freaking. Good.

13. Peanut Butter, Banana, Marshmallow Sandwich. Don't knock it til you try it. I created this in McCollum (my freshman dorm.. duh) and its the shit. Step 1. Toast your bread. Step 2. Tear apart some marshmallows, spread them on 1 slice and microwave 30s. Make sure you watch it because they will get huge. Step 3. Spread PB on the other slice. Step 4. Cut up a banana and put it on the PB. Step 5. Smoosh it together. Step 6. Grab a napkin, wet wipe, or just take off your shirt and take a shower post sandwich because its messy but SO GOOD. Step 7. Close your eyes and eat and take all the flavor in. You're welcome

14. French Toast. Plain, stuffed with strawberries, topped with syrup, peanut butter, cinnamon, fruit, whatever. Yum. I will learn how to make this one day..

I think this sums it up pretty well. 46 Days until I can start baking. And Halloween candy will be on sale so I shall have a candy bowl as well. Life is good. Until then, I'm off to the gym! Heavy lifting and lots of chicken are in my near future!

48 Days: Barbie or Britney?

I painted my nails yesterday for this first time in a grip. And they turned out beautifully. Barbie pink and all. It was honestly the most beautiful paint job I have ever completed -- not one chip, not one drip of polish on my skin -- I was impressed with myself. And then I got to work and ruined two of them. Sad day.

It's raining now in Chapel Hill and I'm a bit disappointed. This week has had the most beautiful weather, and I had planned on going hiking with Blizzard in Pitsboro this morning, but the rain but a damper on that idea.. literally. So poor Bliz will just have to suffer through my day of studying, again. Sometimes the life of a dog must be extremely boring.

This week was uneventful. Lots of school work, lots of reading, lots of working. I had some great workouts this week, though. I gave up on the 6am gym sessions because I felt I wasn't able to push myself as well, and that the quality of my workout was highly variable. So I started going around 7:30 pm, gym is dead. The workouts have been much better but I don't like that now I'm sleeping in until 6/630 am. I feel like I'm wasting my day, even though I know the majority of you are still sound asleep.  That's what happens when you're a morning person. I'm also recently obsessed with the show Prison Break. It came out in 2005 so chances are you've seen it... or you have completely missed it like me. Anyway, it's on Netflix and it is AMAZING. So, so, good I encourage you to blow off everything you have to do and sit down for hours and watch it. You won't regret it. Well, you might regret the blowing things off part, but not the butt-sitting and entertainment.

I was also supposed to have my first posing session with Meredith this week, but unfortunately things came up and we had to reschedule. Such is life. I suppose it will give me more time to practice on my own so I don't look like a complete fool when I first meet her. Yes, I said first. No, I have not yet met the woman I obsessively obey and cling to every word she says. Whatever. It's just like you idolized Britney Spears when you were younger. I bet you wish you never gave up on that dream - you could have had a 55-hour Vegas marriage with your best grade school friend, the same year get engaged to a guy as sexy as K-Fed after knowing him only 3 months (even though his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his 2nd kid), have 2 babies, get divorced, go to rehab for a day, shave your head, go back to rehab, get fat, and then get out and be amazing again. Actually, besides the 3 years of chaos, her life isn't all that bad.

Time seems to be moving slowly lately. I am 7 weeks away from competition, and I feel like it's been forever since I was 10 weeks out. I'm ready for it to be here. Yes, I still have a lot of work to do but I am just eager for it to be November. Ahh, it will be here before I know it though. Just 48 more days..

57 Days: Tears on the Treadmill

I am proud of myself. My good friend Stephanie wanted to go to celebrate her birthday at a mexican restaurant. I didn't eat one chip or have one sip of a margarita, and still enjoyed the company. Didn't get to bed until about 11:30pm - which is super late, but still woke up by 6:30am so that I could get to the gym before work.

I had a pretty great chest workout, increased weight and reps and felt good throughout. This whole week has been a great week of workouts, but I hadn't gotten too many days of cardio in, so I'll be hitting the gym this weekend too. Which I'm perfectly happy about. I'd give up days of 3 hour workouts and put in two extra 40 minute days. Worth it. Anyway, this morning I was on the treadmill (16% incline 3.0 mph and still keeping my HR within range. Getting fit!) I was doing my daily reading of SI, and I stumbled upon, well flipped to, an article about the Georgia baseball team. Oh. My. Gosh. Tear jerker. I don't know when I become so soft. I think it was when I lived with some soccer guys the summer after my junior year of college and one of them introduced me to Soap.net and the great show The O.C. Yup. I hadn't seen more than an episode before and every day when I came home from summer school we would sit on the couch and watch this show. Anyway, that led me to Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, etc, etc and now I'm a softy and cry whenever I read articles and watch TV shows/movies. So there I was on the treadmill, sweating all over the belt and the SI magazine, and the tears started flowing. I am sure I looked like a fool, but it was such a sad situation. Makes me feel blessed to have everything I do have in my life and a healthy family and all my friends who are such a great support and amazing people. Blessed.

I made it to work, where they were giving us all cake to celebrate the months birthdays/anniversaries and what not. Turned that down as well. I am having such a great week - 100% with my nutrition, great workouts - and I am not giving that up, so I said no. Another great thing that happened at work, I spent about 2 minutes in an elevator.. just standing there before I realized it wasn't moving because I hadn't pressed the button. Interesting day to say the least.

I also got tonight, Sunday brunch, and Wednesday night off work since we are overstaffed which is GREAT. More time to devote to my school and my fitness and my Bliz. So today after work, I took her to the trails and we explored for two hours. It was the best. Tomorrow, we are off to the quarry to hike and swim. I love my puppy time!

Well there's a lot I have to do this weekend. Hope yours is great, because I know mine will be!

Tuesday's Expletive

How is it 10pm already? There is still so much I should be doing. Yikes.

Today started with me snoozing my alarm for a good hour and a half. I thought about turning it off and resetting it, but I've done that before and somehow messed up the "resetting it" part. Luckily Bliz has a pretty great internal clock and woke me up on time, but its not something I like to test out. 4:30 this morning just wasn't happening for me. So instead, I did my lifting during my lunch break and I am going to have to do some cardio over the weekend. This weekend isn't full of work shifts, so I should have no problem getting it in.

My workout today was bis, tris, and core and it was THE BEST workout I've had in so long. I started with barbell curls, which I usually am bitching about by the 3rd set. But today, I sucked it up, increased weight, and pumped out my 12 reps and 12 partials. It felt great. The rest of the workout went in a similar fashion and I increased weight on EVERY. SINGLE. LIFT. Love that feeling. The workout lasted a good hour and 50 minutes, so I was late to class but, thats a little price to pay for such a great gym experience. Seriously. I wish I could feel like that every day. I know it's unrealistic, but attitude has so much to do with it. Usually on my barbell curls, I am hating every moment of it that on the next set I convince myself I won't be able to keep the weight and need to drop. Or that I need to do fewer reps. But today I told myself I was going to keep the weight. If I didn't make it, so be it, but I was going to try. I'm not going to lie, I was cursing and dropping the f-bomb on every rep past 7, possibly loudly since I've taken to blaring my music, but I got there. The expletives were worth it.

Well folks, I've finished my last meal for the day and only have 13 minutes left in these heels so I'm off to bed. Hope your Tuesday was as awesome as mine! Keep pushing through these next few days and we'll be back to the weekend!

Recipe: Banana Walnut Protein Bread

I got this recipe from Little B. I altered it ever so slightly. Remember that it contains no preservatives so must be refrigerated and it is dense!

Ingredients:

2 bananas
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 scoops vanilla protein powder
6 oz nonfat Greek yogurt
3 egg whites
1/4 c unsweetened applesauce
~1/4 c sugar
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp baking soda
pinch of salt
1/2 c chopped walnuts

Directions:

1. Blend bananas until they are a pudding consistency.
2. Preheat oven to 375.
3. Add in yogurt, applesauce, egg whites, and vanilla extract and mix.
4. Add in remaining ingredients (except walnuts) and mix until smooth.
5. Fold in walnuts by hand.
6. Pour evenly into a prepared bread loaf pan.
7. Bake 35-45 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

Nutrition Info (based on my ingredients):

Calories: 155
Carbs: 18.4g
Protein: 13.2g
Fat: 5.4g
Makes 8 servings

Tastes great with a little bit of peanut butter spread on top!

61 Days: Cookin' in Heels

Some days are harder then others to be perfect. No, I don't mean perfect in the sense that I am really unbelievably awesome (which is probably true), I mean with the nutrition. I want to get up on that stage in 2 months and be proud of how hard I worked and feel like I couldn't have done 1 thing differently. I want to say I didn't cheat and that I did better than expected and that I gave it my all. But in all reality, it's much harder then just saying you can do it - you have to actually do it. I have 8 weeks and 5 days to step it up. I have 61 days to lose ~ 5-7% body fat. I have 1,464 hours that I can't mess up. It seems like I have plenty of time to get there, but I'm more concerned with having plenty of time to blow it.

I know I shouldn't think like that. I am working my ass off and being very disciplined 99% of the time. But it's that 1% I'm worried about. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to repeat my marathon experience in 2006. I want to be the best. I want to be MY best. This is all Harris Teeter's fault. They sold ice cream sandwiches for 97 cents. And I am a sucker for ice cream sandwiches. I went to the store JUST for them. How easy would that have been to avoid? It was a Sunday only special.. and I was planning on getting them since Thursday. Pathetic. I've told myself I would only eat 1/week until the competition.. indulge just enough to be perfect the rest of the week. But after doing that this Sunday.. I feel guilt. I feel like I'm giving up for a moment - one HELL of a moment I might add - of delicious, finger licking, ice cream. Thats 30g of carbs. Do you know how many cups of broccoli I could've had? Five! And I love broccoli. And I would've been full (maybe gassy too but.. I live alone and Blizzard loves me no matter what). But I opted for the treat and now I have to get myself back on track. I told this to someone today and they thought that I was being too regimented. They also told me I wouldn't be attractive anymore if I lost 5% body fat. To that I responded, Well, it's a good thing I'm not doing this so you'll find me attractive. I'm doing it for me. And I am right. I am doing this for me. I am doing this to see how dedicated and disciplined I can do. I am doing it to see if I really can work hard enough and quit making excuses to achieve my goals. I'm testing myself. And I want to accomplish this for myself. Not for them. I really believe that the only way you will reach a goal is if YOU are the one who wants to reach the goal. You need to do it for YOU.

Besides that moment of weakness (or moments since it was planned), things have been good. I've worked hard in the gym and increased weight steadily. On Mondays I get to do 25 pullups, splitting them up anyway I can, and this week I got 8-7-6-3. Not bad. My goal for next week is just to get 8-8-7-2, and the next week to do it in 3 sets. I can do it, I'm not worried. Nutrition today has been wonderful, cooked 4 pounds of chicken, a pound of tilapia, and a pound of hamburger in my figure heels. Breaking those babies in! I love them. I love heels. I used to get to wear them all the time in Kansas but people here never sport them. And I never go out anymore so.. that plays a big part in it. Maybe after this competition I'll never take them off. Plan is to wear them at least an hour a day. My right one fits perfectly, my left one squishes my pinky toe a bit and it won't lie flat.. I had to use a knife (butter) to get it to flatten out. But I got it there :)

I also made a new recipe today. Banana Walnut Protein Bread. I'll post the recipe in a minute for you. I think it's very good, especially warmed up with a teeny amount of peanut butter spread on it. I do think my mom's chocolate chip banana bread is better.. but this is healthier and its still delish.

Well homies, I need to plan out my nutrition for the weeks. I don't want any mistakes, any regrets this week. I want my weight to start decreasing and my body fat to drop. I am going to get there, and I am going to be perfect this week.  You can be too.

65 Days: Yes I still blog..

It's been a crazy week, I'm sorry. I think I made this same excuse last week. I'm like a broken record.. or a person you are in group projects with who never participates.. or someone with a job who doesn't want to do it. Okay that's a stretch.. really unrelated.. but it was the "piss-me-off moment" of the day today. BUT! I had a great workout, and I'm over it.

I started a new set of workouts this week. It was great. A LOT of pullups.. most of which I did unassisted. Today I had to do 4 sets of 10-12. That last wasn't happening without a little help, so I took off 10# of body weight and got them done. I'm seriously loving the fact that I can do as many pull-ups as I can though. Last semester in our exercise prescription class we had to make a workout for someone else and the one created for me had the goal of being able to do x number of pullups (without doing one throughout the entire semester). I don't remember what the number was, but I do remember remember I could only do 6. Looks like hard work pays off, people :) Other exciting things about my workouts this week is that leg press and RDL's are back! It makes me love leg days again. I had that yesterday and my hammies are feeling the love today!

Nutrition has also slightly changed. The amount of fat I'm able to have has dropped slightly - which I'm thrilled about. Honestly, it was getting to the point where I was just taking a Tbsp of flax seed oil at night to get all my fat in, and it is not delicious. This is much more doable for me. I can't tell if the drop in combination with the new workouts have made my energy levels drop, or if its just this whole being a good student thing I'm trying out. I know it's not September yet, but I started my September resolution early. I'm reading EVERYTHING assigned for class BEFORE class.. for the first time in my life. Well, to an extent. I only have books for 2 of my 4 classes that require books. But I'm still reading everything else for those classes so it's a huge step for me. Bettering myself one month at a time.

But anyway.. scheduling has really thrown me off. A typical day? Wake up at 4:30, gym 6-7:30, class 8-4ish, gym to do cardio 4-5, home to read/cook/eat/clean/play with Bliz, bed by 9. That's 4 hours of life. Honestly most days I'm ready to go to bed by noon.. and definitely by the time I get home at 5. But I stay up (after 5) to eat. Gotta eat to grow, y'all. On that note, I met an old guy (story of my life, right?) at the gym Wed am. Previously, we've just had the ol' Good morning! How's it going? Good, you? Well, I'm here.. convo (obv I'm the chipper "good morning" one that early). But Wed we had a couple chats. He apparently used to compete with his girlfriend at the time. He told me they'd have 1 beer and a big thing of yogurt once a week - to have fun and keep sane. And that they only worked out 3 days/week for 3 hours/day. That's great. But I am not doing either of those things. He also then proceeded to ramble off a list of exercises I should incorporate into my routines. I love it. Everytime I'm at the gym - and I'm sure this goes for plenty of you with the gym, or with other goals in life - someone can't go on with their day without stopping to give me their advice. Sometimes, I just mean mug. Not during the advice.. but during the approach. I'm not at the gym to meet a boyfriend, so you all can scram. But I've learned that when they give you advice, listen, smile nicely, nod, do whatever. Thank them for their advice and then go on your way and ignore them. You can't take advice and direction from too many people or you will never get anywhere. Listen to yourself, or whoever you choose to follow, but ultimately it is your journey so make it what YOU want.

I got my shoes today! I'm super pumped about it. I love them. All that plastic clearness and 5 inches that goes along with them. They are surprisingly very comfortable. I'm ready to start learning my poses. Everything is coming together great, and I'm so happy about it. What are your thoughts on these bad boys? After Nov. 3rd if you want to borrow them to wear to the club - just let me know.. quite flattering :)

Well, folks, I gotta get to work. Literally. Working 6 shifts over the next 4 days and then I have to do all of my reading/good student crap on top of it. I love life :) Embrace what you have, y'all, we are blessed.

Ten Weeks

Its been a busy week getting back to school, starting a new job, and trying to get in the swing of my new routine, all on top of eating right and lifting heavy. But just being in Greensboro today, I have no doubts how much I want this and how hard I need to work.

Today I went to the Muscle Heat competition that Quincy Roberts put on --same guy that is putting on my show. I have never seen a competition actually in person so I really just wanted to get a feel for the thing, and it is .. well, an experience. The bodybuilding men, figure and fitness women were all what I expected. Except that figure only does the 4 side poses in pre-judging - no double armed biceps, lat, chest, or triceps poses that the body building and women's physique do. The men's physique and women's bikini were definitely the crowd favorites. It was going nuts in there and I really couldn't stop laughing. An experience. But the main thing I've taken away from this is how hard those people work. And the ones who didn't work as hard, well its obvious. There was a guy, 50+ bodybuilder division, who had been outside sucking down on a cigarette. Two minutes later he was on stage with one other competitor, and you could just tell - despite how cut he was - that he smoked. Another thing I took away from it is that every competitor has there own strengths. Some figure competitors have great lats and not well defined abs, while others backs don't have much definition, but there abs are solid. I can't do anything about my genetics, but I can bring my best package to the stage.  If I work hard and really focus and push myself these next ten weeks, then I'll be ready to get on stage and I'll be confident with what I've got. Competitions are so subjective, so all I can do is bring my best self and have fun.

After being here this morning, I'm anxious to get back to the gym and get lifting. I'm anxious to cut my diet even more to get more defined. And I'm especially anxious to start posing and get the shoes.

A couple more hours and I'm off to watch the finals. I'll give you a re-cap on that later. Have a great weekend, give the best you can and you'll always feel successful.

74 Days: Feeling Great

Well, Bliz and I made it back to Chapel Hill in one piece. We stopped in Nashville Saturday night instead of doing it all in one night again. She is such a good watch dog, she just sat at the end of the bed and watched the door all night instead of sleeping, which made Sunday a great day of driving. She just snoozed the whole way. It's been so funny having her back in the hill though. Every time I leave she goes right to her kennel as she always has, but when I get home and let her out she is so dang excited and jumps up and down and runs circles around me licking my ankles and elbows (weird? maybe.). I love that furry animal.

It has been so great being back in my familiar gym with familiar faces... even if it is more crowded then ideal. I'm just happy to be back and smile (or curse.. depending on the lift) through my whole workouts. Yesterday I got all 32 pull ups unassisted and today I added 15# onto my dips. It was awesome doing things I either was nervous to attempt or hadn't completed yet. I'm still getting PRs on almost every exercise and progress is going great, in my opinion. I'm not going to lie, though, wearing a weight belt with the weight and chains hanging.. I felt like a true meathead. Proud moment :)

Nutrition has been awesome these last 4 days (the 2 day drive and 2 days I've been back in CH), despite all the temptations. We had a pot-luck lunch for the first years orientation - of which I could eat nothing - and then left overs and a birthday today, of which I ate nothing. AND it was angel food cake for the bday dessert! That is MY birthday cake. I get one from my lovely family EVERY day the week of my birthday. I may be spoiled.. but I just can't help how much my family loves me :) It honestly wasn't that hard to resist though. I'm getting down to it.. almost 10 weeks away.. and I'm devoting myself 100% to this. I have classmates and teachers give me so many wonderful compliments and bits of encouragement and support these last few days, and it truly is motivating. I want to do this. I want to transform my body. And I want to win. Period. I don't need to give in to temptations. A piece of cake may satisfy me for the 2 minutes it takes to eat it.. but accomplishing my goal will satisfy me for years. Easy choice!

I hope you all are having as great of a start to this week as I am. Don't worry about everything on your to-do list and everything you want to accomplish. Break it down into little steps -- mini goals -- and you will achieve anything!

"Slow down. There is no need to rush. Whatever happens in this day can prepare you for future days. Everything cannot happen at once. Allow each day to unfold as it is meant to be." - Kathy M Irr

79 Days: Ouch!

I am accident prone. This is probably no surprise to my family and anyone I've played sports in, but I think it is seriously getting out of hand since I am now injuring myself in my sleep. Last night, well approximately 3am this morning, I rolled over in bed and BAM! slammed my face against the desk next to the bed. It started bleeding so I slept with an ice pack against my face and was crossing my fingers I wouldn't wake up with a black eye. Luck was on my side (I suppose), because I just woke up with a nice cut and bump above my eye, and slight bruising around the cut. No black eye.. yet.

Then, when I was helping my mom move a table, I ran the table over my foot and nearly tore off my toenail and that started bleeding all over my foot and sandal. Luckily I was wearing my black Rainbows, so no damage done. :) I will say, though, my ability to clot is phenomenal.

I'm planning on trying out for UNC's club soccer team this coming week. Although given my injury history, this may be a bad idea for the competition. But even if I didn't try out, I'd be playing adult league, and that's where I got hurt this last year so it just might be inevitable. Whatever.. I'll heal.

Gym today was great. It was my second back/rear-delts day and I hit them HARD. I got a PR in EVERY SINGLE LIFT. I'm pleased to say the least. My butt was burning/sore this morning though, so I forewent (you like that? twice in one week! All this reading sure is paying off) cardio. I'll finish it up Friday and Saturday before leaving for Kansas.

This is a short post. I have important things to get back too. But nutrition and workouts have been on point so far today and I'm loving life. Not looking forward to the drives I have ahead, lots of planning to get ready for those!

80 Days: The Best YOU

What a wonderful wonderful couple of days it has been. Yesterday was perfect. Workout was solid, although I forwent (yup, thats the past tense of for(e)go.. I looked it up :) ) cardio, and nutrition was SPOT ON. No treats, no unnecessary snacking, and it made me so happy, because at dinner time, I was able to have fruit. Y'all don't understand.. I don't know the last time I had fruit. I had to cut it out of my PWO smoothies and haven't had it in maybe over a month. I was happy. And then I got to have a second serving of dinner! Life is good.

Today, I had a great gym workout - hit legs hards - and finished up with some cardio. I increased weight on squats (up to 270 now!) and lunges, and FINALLY got to get back to doing my hamstring curls prone, not seated. Yesterday, I also got to finally use a barbell for my standing BB Press and not the smith machine which was a blessing as well. Next week I'll be free to use barbells and benches as much as I please, we'll see how the weights change. I have no idea how to measure my weight when I use a smith machine, so I just count the weight I add. Do you count the weight of the bar? Since it slides, is it negligible? What about friction? Blah, too much to concern myself with, so I just ignore it.

Weather in Iowa has been great as well. Cool in the 60s over night and during the morning, then 80s usually in the day so I can sit by the pool and play ball with the 3 pups. Today it's getting up to 97, though, but it is still much more enjoyable then NC weather. Maybe because I actually have something to do outside to enjoy it.. who knows. It's great though.

Motivation continues:
Successful people put their heart and soul into everything they do, no matter how small that task is. Take advantage of your youth, your health, your drive, and the time you have to become the best. You may think you are busy, but even if you have a full time job, a family to provide for or come home to, school to study and prepare for, etc, you are not so busy that you can't put your health and YOUR GOALS in the front line. Don't be frustrated because you don't get the results you want or because other people are getting things you want if you aren't putting EVERYTHING you have towards your goal EVERY second of EVERY day. You may have a commitment 8 hours a day, need 8 hours of sleep, and then think you don't have enough time left in the day to study, eat, workout, etc. But if it's important to you, you will make time. And you have 8 hours left! Work your hardest at school and at work so that when your commitment there is done, you don't have to do more work at home. Take advantage of the time you have and stop wasting it on facebook and pintrest and reading my blog whatever else you do online (keep reading my blog!) Your success fuels your ambition. It gives you extra energy. It makes you excited to wake up in the morning to achieve more things. The disciplines that were so difficult in the beginning become second nature. Earn all you possibly can and do the best that you can do and that is enough.

Are you doing your best? Are you going to be successful in your life? This year? This week? Today? Go out there and do the best you can. Don't settle for less.

Enjoy your Wednesday, folks.

81 Days: Frustration Boils Over

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated with myself and it's a hard pill to swallow. Sure I could point fingers and place blame elsewhere, My friends had a wedding and it wasn't buffet style so I didn't have an option what to eat, my dad wants to go out to eat to spend time with me, my friends want to go out and socialize because we haven't seen each other in about a year. It's not my fault my nutrition hasn't been spot on, I'm on vacation, it's not my house, I can't control what I put in my mouth. Wait.. what? It's 100% my fault. And that is difficult to admit. Now don't think I've gone balls to the walls with my diet. I haven't drank, I haven't been eating crap all day. I just haven't been PERFECT. And I know, you should strive for progress, not perfection.. but when I have such a specific goal and body I am training for, and when I have a specific date I need to get there by, progress isn't good enough. In fact, this isn't progress, I was being perfect, this is a step backwards. My meals will be perfect, there will just be some THING every day that is throwing the perfection off. Like yesterday, I ate too many almonds and my fats were too high. The day before, I had a cinnamon roll because my dad bought them as a nice surprise and I felt guilty not eating one (and let's be honest, I wanted it and it was a moment of weakness). But then Sunday and Monday morning, I FELT LIKE CRAP. My stomach hurt, I was gassy, and just felt lazy and guilty and it was awful. And it just made me crave more! If you are eating something that truly satisfies you, you shouldn't crave MORE FOOD after you eat it. You should feel content. I've been weak and need to bring my goals to the front of my mind. So the rest of this week, my posts will be purely motivational-encouraging-and all about achieving dreams, because that's what I'm setting out to do.

Your mind is a big factor in achieving your goals. It's typically not that people - including me right now - lack motivation. Motivation is wanting to do something, talking about it, seeking help, writing down your goals and plans. Your mind encourages motivation. What most people need, what I've been needing this week, is follow-through. You have a goal, you have something you want to do. You tell yourself you are going to the gym at 5:30 am, you tell yourself you are going eat perfectly today... and then you don't. Your mind gets in the way. It tells you, I'm too tired, I won't get a good workout this early anyway, I'll go later. This cookie isn't going to throw the whole day off. If I don't hit my numbers, I'll just do it tomorrow. No. Don't give in. Don't lose the battle to yourself. I'm sure you've all seen those motivational pictures on facebook that say Your biggest enemy is yourself. Well, it's 100% true. If someone else tells you you can't do something, it motivates you to do it. People are competitive by nature and want to prove nay-sayers wrong. But when that nay-sayer is yourself? It's hard not to give in and believe yourself. But don't give in. Get to the gym before your mind knows what you are doing. Start cooking before your mind can tell you you'd rather have Chipotle. Don't think about it as giving something up, about the things you can't do, the things you can't eat. Think instead about the things this lifestyle gives you and the joy the success brings. When your mind changes, so will your body.

If you believe enough in the process and end result, success will come to you. You just have to see it through. Jump in head first and start swimming. Be dedicated. Work hard. And you will be good at what you are going for. Take it as far as your imagination holds. Dedicate every breath to that goal. Be the absolute best, and don't settle for any reason.

Now, I'm off to the gym for my second workout of the week. Bis, Tris, and Core .. and I will be sore tomorrow.

82 Days: Time for a Break

I am an awful blogger. It has been a week since my last post.. I'm sorry, I guess I've been busy :)

Last week was great, it was my last week of clinicals and I got to say goodbye to my Greensboro gym! I also started new workouts last week, with the same split as before, and I was sore. I started the week with Back and Rear Delts and got to try out some pull ups, which I've been DYING to do since they were taken out of my workouts for the last 3 weeks, and was stoked to be able to do 8 unassisted in a row! Life is good :)

Friday I left Greensboro at 3:40 am (ET) and got to Sioux City at 10:40 pm (CST). For those of you who still don't know how you passed 2nd grade math, thats a 20 hour drive, 1300 miles. And I only stopped 3 times to use the bathroom and to get gas! Awesome. I also decided in this car trip that I love driving and road trips - but I love them more when I don't have someone else with me. If I ever have to go on this long of a trip with someone who needs to go to the bathroom or "rest" more then every 350/400 miles.. only one of us will be arriving at the destination. This will be a very important quality in any future husband. Better start training your bladders now fellas. I did, though, almost die for an exploding bladder. I was driving through Missouri (greatest part of the drive..) and had already had a gallon of water and needed to go BADLY. I pulled off at an exit that said it had a gas station.. just to find out it was 5 miles down the road. So I pulled a U-ey and got back on the interstate for attempt two. I really considered pulling over on the interstate and running in between the trees to let it flow. I had TP in the car so it wasn't really a difficult decision.. I just REALLY don't like wasting time stopping just to go to the bathroom and not get gas as well. Efficiency is what it's all about. Anyway, I luckily found a place an hour after starting to think I was going to die, and luckily survived to tell you all about it. I also had packed all my food for the trip - salads, hard boiled eggs, oatmeal, chicken, veggies - so despite my near death, road rage in Saint Louis, and my car now smelling reeking, it was a great trip.

Saturday was my friends wedding, and it was great. I made it the whole reception without drinking, although I did eat the dinner which probably had a little bit extra carbs then I needed, but was healthy. I had a great time and got to catch up with a lot of people I hadn't seen in so many years. I also realized that basically 90% of my high school friends are married, engaged, or have children. I'll get there when I'm 30. Maybe.

Well folks, I am going to spend the rest of my vacation relaxing by the pool, playing with my dogs, and working out. And by staying out of the car as much as possible. Hope you have a great week!

89 Days: What a Lunk!

What a wonderful weekend. I simply love 3-day weekends. It should be a new standard. I'd gladly work 10-hour days Monday through Thursday to get Fridays off. Can we just agree on this and make it official already?!

Monday started off, regardless of me being ready or not. And let me be honest, I was not. I stayed up last night watching True Blood because it's the greatest show on earth. This season has been a bit excessive in my opinion, but I still can't stop watching. So I got to bed a bit after 11pm, and my alarm went off too soon. I woke up, grabbed my oatmeal, and got into bed and ate it with the lights on, laying down, and my eyes closed. And then I fell back asleep for another half an hour. I had plenty of time to get ready for work still, but man was I tired. This morning at work was back-to-back craziness with patients and I had 5 evals before 1pm. Holy Moly.

I'm sure you all will be surprised/impressed by this. CARING/EMOTIONAL MOMENT #1 But one of my patients this morning has been coming in with sciatica, and she's a 70 something year old hispanic lady - which is awesome because we speak spanglish to each other and that makes me truly happy - but anyway I wanted to work with her on going from sitting to standing, and I asked her to do it with no hands at all. She rocked and rocked and tried about 3 times, couldn't do it. Okay, put your hands on your knees and try. Nope, couldn't do it. Alright use the mat then, we are going for 15. Easy, up she goes. After about 5 she keeps telling me I'm going to do this at home I'm going to practice (which makes me thrilled to hear, she is wonderful) and then she says, okay I'm going to try again. She puts her hands out to the side, takes a deep breath, rocks, and up she goes. Easy. And quick. She had the biggest grin on her face as she did FIFTEEN MORE! Even after I told her to stop, nope she kept doing it. She was so happy and so proud of herself and it made me so incredibly proud and happy for her. We then went on the treadmill and she kept wanting to bump up the speed and was in no pain (which she was when we started, and hadn't walked how she wanted to in months) but I had to cut her off. Cardio Junky :) Kidding. But then she started doing sit to stands again on her own and was so happy she gave me the biggest hug after our session. I loved it. CARING/EMOTIONAL MOMENT #2 My second eval of the morning was a 60-70 or so year old man with diabetes. He lost circulation in his left leg, had his knee replaced, achilles surgery, and was told he either had to go on dialysis or have his leg amputated. He chose the later. Not what I was seeing him for. He also had rotator cuff surgery. He also had gout. He also had cancer. He also has osteoporosis. But that's not what he was there for. He was seeing me for a knee scope, but because of this, and a couple falls recently, he was in a wheel chair and was having difficulty straightening and bending his knee and needed strengthening. Not a problem. But he broke down on me. THREE TIMES. Crying, telling me how depressed he was. And what did I do? Patted that guy on the back, gave him a pep talk, and told him things were going to work out and la la (I'm not giving out all my secrets) and he, too, gave me a hug after leaving. Man! It was a feel good day!

And then I went to the gym and dropped a 45# weight on my thumb. It hurts. And then I was using the smith machine, went to use my legs and do a "power lift" to get the weight over my head, forgot to unlatch that bad boy and slammed it into the notch above it, jamming my wrists. Painful again. And on top of that, the infamous "Lunk Alarm" went off. Now me and Ceej have been waiting EIGHT WEEKS for this bad boy to go off, but not on me! It's Planet Fitness's alarm for "people who grunt, drop weight, or judge." Yes, the sign says that. And it is a blue flashing light and a loud siren like an ambulance. And I set it off. CJ wasn't even there to witness.. I had no one to laugh with. What a miserable time. :) Golly. What a day.

Well, I'm off to eat dinner and hit the bed early. Haven't prepped my charts for tomorrow so I'll be there at 6:15 again. Yay for only 3 more days of work!!

91 Days: Farmer's Market and Spider Face

What a wonderful weekend it has been, and it's only Saturday morning! No work Fridays are really my new favorite thing. I got back to Chapel Hill Thursday night, woke up Friday and deep cleaned -- and I mean deep! -- my apartment. Washed the walls, baseboards, windows, blinds, vacuumed and dusted every corner, washed the floors, the toilet, the tub.. gosh I felt so GREAT by noon! I also went to the Teet and they had packs of fresh chicken Buy 2 Get 3 Free! That's $1.99/# people. A steal for chicken there. So I loaded up. Another positive note for yesterday, I was back down to normal weight when I stepped on the scale first thing of the day. A relief to say the least.

This morning I went to Carrboro's farmer's market for the first time ever--but not before stepping out of my door into a spider web and having a spider run across my face. That was fun... I was impressed with the farmer's market, though. It was nicely organized and was easy to navigate - which is comforting to someone who must see everything. I got some peanut almond butter (obsessed with any and all peanut butters)--made of peanuts, almonds (obviously), wildflower honey and sea salt--jalepenos, and arugula. Lunch today is going to be an orgasm in my mouth possibly. I'm drooling already, can't wait!

This time next week I will be reunited with Blizzard! It has been so long I can't wait to give that pretty girl the biggest hug in the world! I need to go shopping for her for a treat or new toy. I feel so bad having to abandon her all summer :( Although, I'm pretty sure she's had a blast swimming around at home with the big dogs. I already have so many play dates and adventures planned for us!

Speaking of going to Iowa, this week is going to be quite the adjustment for my workouts and meals. To make it work, I'm taking Friday off from the gym (since I'll be sitting in a car 16-22 hours) and working out this week Monday-Thursday, and Saturday, and then I'll get back on track the next week on Tuesday as usual. I'm planning my food as well for the trip. Everything has to be made and packed in serving size containers so that I know what to eat when, and has to be able to make a long trip in a cooler without going bad. I'm thinking turkey burgers and hard boiled eggs for my protein, almonds, lots and lots of veggies, sweet potato muffins (a new recipe I've been wanting to try out), etc. Once I make all the food and have it planned out, I'll share it with ya'll. It's going to be one crazy week, but I'm so excited to finish up with "work" and get back home to my family and friends.

Today's plans: make an mp3 CD with ~500 bluegrass songs for my road trip, plan my road trip food so I can cook tomorrow, do my online evaluation of my clinical, and buy books for school since it's the tax free weekend. Exciting day. And hopefully have time to spend laying in a field somewhere and just relaxing, as long as it stays this cool, beautiful weather. Have a happy day friends. Life is good!

94: August Resolution

I just spit eggs out onto my plate.. way too hot. They look the same as the one's on my plate, pre-chewed. I don't know if that's good or not, whatever. It's been an extremely busy-but good-week so far. Yes, I realize it's only Wednesday. I give my inservice tomorrow at "work" and am still not sure if I'm working Friday or not. No way I'm bringing it up, though, until Thursday at 4 so that hopefully I won't have to come in because it'll be too late :) I'm awful. Oh well, I want a 3 day weekend! This weekend is going to be extremely busy for me. Why? What do you have to do?, you ask? Well, I have to clean my apartment and respond to emails and pack for 1 week of work, 1 week of home, and 22 hours worth of food to eat while I drive. I also understand this can all be accomplished in a morning, but having a list that I can't start working at yet, drives me nuts. So I'm going to be uptight until Friday or Saturday when I can get to work.

Let's talk nutrition. I've hit my numbers- more or less.. I haven't been over and have been within 3 of everything-everyday since Sunday when they dropped. Sunday evening I was tired, cranky, and hungry. Monday I was pretty exhausted as well, and since I didn't have to work out it was hard for me to spread my meals out how I would if I had went to the gym, so again I was a little tired and hungry. Yesterday went well through the day, but then I woke up at 1am starving. Attitude and energy was much better though, although I did notice my workout wasn't AS great. I still PR'd in 3 or 4 lifts, and didn't drop, but I just felt slow, and it felt harder then I think it should've. So I'm hoping the progress of energy levels and decreased hunger keeps progressing and that today is better.

The great thing about today: It's AUGUST! This year is flying by, but it's going so well so I'm okay with that. My August resolution is to stretch more. More specifically, I intend to start doing Yoga 3x a week, or do 3 hours of total stretching throughout the week. That's it. My body is so tight and sore all the time and I really need to work on my flexibility and just stretching my muscles out so that I'm able to lift more and move more easily. So there you have it. July resolutions went well overall, but I could still work on getting more sleep. The other was to plan out my meals the day before - and let me tell you, it has made my life and these nutrition adjustments SO EASY! You don't have to think about food when you are hungry. You don't have to deal with cooking before any meal (99% of the time). You just get to eat when it's time and stop letting it consume everything else. i loved it and I will continue this at least through the competition.

I'm off to the gym. Only 94 days to be better then everyone else on that stage!

97 Days: Bloody Hands

Another weekend of training behind me, and it was absolutely perfect. I hit my numbers to a T for nutrition, which is great, since they changed again. When I weighed in Saturday afternoon I was at 143.. 4# over what I was consistently at a few weeks ago, so my numbers had to drop--which they weren't supposed to do for 2 more weeks. Every time they drop, I stress. It is extremely difficult for me to plan my meals and cut things out to hit the numbers, not just the totals but for each meal to be balanced. And every time they changed, something goes from each of my meals. The most drastic this time was my protein shake. It went from either peanut butter and chocolate, mint chocolate, fruit and spinach (surprisingly delicious) to just protein and water. I was bummed. After my workouts, I looked forward to that shake, and today after I finished some cardio, I was expecting disappointment. Surprisingly, it wasn't all that bad. I say surprisingly mainly because I switched protein powders and everything else has been worse tasting/texture. My oatmeal is really hard to get the right consistency now, and the shakes had been runnier. Also this vanilla flavoring was a lot more like vanilla bean-ish, which I do not like, and the flavor has just been more pronounced. But with the water shake, it was perfect. My other protein could not just be shaken with water, you had to have a blender. So that's one less thing to lug to Greensboro and back each week. Maybe I'll get my old protein as well to put in food, and keep this one just for the shakes. Who knows. Living on the edge, people!

Today I woke up bright and early and got everything done -- laundry, ironing, cooking, shopping -- done by 11:00am. Then I was bored. My internet was out so I couldn't work on my project as planned. I tried to go to the library - closed. So that still is not done. Yes, I clearly have internet now, but you folks are my priority :) I hit the gym, even though it was a rest day, and did 40 minutes of cardio - incline 14%, speed 3.0-2.7 depending on my HR. Then I went to help my friend move into his new apartment. The first thing we moved - a massive freezer - I sliced my hand open pretty good, but I didn't want to look like worthless help so I kept blotting it on my sweat-drenched t-shirt, and hauled on. We got that U-Haul unloaded in under 45 minutes. Not bad. I also had sliced my finger open earlier today when I reached into my bag and slid along the blade of my razor. Haven't cut myself with a razor that bad since the first time I shaved my legs..removed that hair and a 2 inch chunk of skin off of my shin. Nbd.

Well, its back to Greensboro for me. Probably should get to work on that inservice, too. Dang, weekends over. Hope yours was worth writing about!

Double Digits and Bad Meat

I am down to the double digits, people!! 99 Days until the competition! How exciting, this will fly by! Today has been such a wonderful day. I got to go into work late, and was off by 12:30, made it back to Chapel Hill in no time--well it seemed since I got to catch up with my Ma--and got paid! Whoo! That doesn't really mean I have money.. it just means Dad and Mere can get paid. I also came home to a clean house, which might just be my favorite feeling in the world, so I feel like nothing can go wrong this weekend!

I had a great workout today at the good 'ol SRC. Back and Delts again, and I PR'd in everything except seated cable rows, which I have been consistently increasing, so I'm cool with that. I felt great. Then I got my 40 minutes of cardio in. A good friend was on a treadmill when I was about to start so I did the elliptical (my only choice.. which should be clear since there is nothing I hate more about working out then ellipticals and guys with sorry form) for 13 minutes which was about all I could stand, then took over his treadmill for the last 27 minutes. So it actually flew by, even though I had no TV to watch. Just got to people watch all the college boys trying to get cut. There was one impressive dude in there doing box jumps - which is my favorite part of the gym probs - so that was cool.. otherwise nothing exciting to report.

Nutrition was a little off today (or will be). I'm trying to hit 100g carbs, 200g protein, and 60g fat, and after my dinner I'll be at 106g carbs, 203g protein, and 55g fat.. but not too bad. I also weighed myself today for the first day in 3 weeks.. and it's up, which I'm not stoked about. I try not even to weight myself, but I'll have to start doing so weekly for Meredith to update my nutrition stuff.

I know you midwesterners and the rest of America, really, is going through a drought, but here in NC it seems like it never stops raining. Last week sometime there was a bad storm and the power went out for a good couple of hours at my Chapel Hill apartment (and basically the rest of the town) and then today as I was walking out of Trader Joe's it started pouring! But my main concern is.. how do I know if the meat in my freezer - unopened - went bad? No one was here to open the freezer door.. but I don't know how long it was out, and I don't know how to tell if I can eat it still or not. Advice, adults/grown up/mature people my age? I don't really want to throw out 10# of meat if I don't have to, but I also don't want to get sick!

Well, I'm off to eat some almonds, watch a movie and just chill out for the night, since my sister, Mary, thinks its more important to get ready to go out with friends I don't even know, then vid. chat me. Sheesh, what is this world coming to? Anyway, I should be doing my inservice.. but there's always tomorrow right? I don't procrastinate with my health so I have to do it somewhere else.. it's only fair :)

Over and Out.

Workout Wednesday

Just saw a commercial for this gem.. Forgiven, the alcohol metabolizer. The commercial says you ever have a hard next day after a night out? Not anymore, you're forgiven ... Forgiven can be found at your local drug stores, at the bottom shelf in the supplement section. That's right, the bottom shelf. Because the product isn't good enough, or the company doesn't have enough money, to have it be in the middle, where products are actually seen. I've got an idea for you. Why don't you just figure out how much alcohol you and your body can handle. Drink that amount, or less, and you won't need forgiving. It's called self-control you fools. Sheesh.

It's always a great feeling when Wednesday is complete. Thursday will fly by, and then only a half day of work on Friday. Today, I was scheduled for 2 doubles at work today, and 3 of those 4 patients cancelled/no-showed. You gotta love outpatient at times! Seriously, those were the first 3 cancellations of the last 2 weeks, and I was ready for them. One of the doubles wouldn't have been too bad, but the other set was a rotator cuff repair, 2nd therapy appointment, and a spinal stenosis patient with a 5 level spinal fusion who needs a translator. So that would've sucked. Thank you for staying home today, peeps. Tomorrow my double booking is two shoulder patients, which shouldn't be too bad, but one of them has a learning disorder and needs constant tactile cues, so it will be an interesting morning. Oh, and my last patient today came in saying This is my last appointment, I don't need therapy, this is the last time you'll see me. Alright, lady, this is your first appointment since your total hip replacement. I think it would be a good idea to stay. I got her to work hard, and she will be coming back, but in the middle of the session, she starting crying on me. Sheesh. Anyone who knows me well can imagine how I handled that. A 50 y.o women crying, for no apparent reason. All I said was, Is everything okay? Do you want to take a break? No response. So I just sat there. Way to go, Susie. But in my defense, I am not an emotional therapist, I am a physical therapist (student).. meaning I treat physical problems, not emotional ones. Ya, I wish that were true...

Workout today was great I suppose. My energy levels today were low low LOW, and I don't know why. Another day of getting home and just wanting to sleep. Driving to the gym and just wanting to sleep. But then I turned on my jams and was singing alongside Chris Brown at the top of my lungs with my windows down and that got me to the gym. And then I wanted to sleep again. Oh well. Dips today felt like my pecs were ripping away from my sternum again, but I PR'd on everything except stupid Preacher Curls. I hate preacher curls. Maybe it's because they are my last lift and I just don't want to do anymore biceps. My arms were SWOLL and tired and had enough and honestly, I was begging to get to cardio. Unfortunately for me, I got to the gym way earlier today (5 o'clock.. meaning I only had to wait about 10 minutes for a rack to open up) so I only caught 15 minutes of the Roma v Liverpool game during my cardio-sesh for the day, but I made it home in time to catch the end of the first half, and am currently watching the 2nd. (0-0 for those of you who are interested)They are playing at Fenway park, which is pretty cool actually. Next game up, Chelsea v MLS All-Stars. Awesome. We'll see if I can stay up for that.

Two of my other friends got engaged Monday night. I am so happy for them. They have both been two of my closest friends since grade school (Erin) and middle school (Tyler). Erin was even part of my really sweet Mercury Club that was in the woods of my backyard. I'm not going into details.. just be jealous that you weren't a part of it.

I'm also counting down the days until I head back to Iowa to get my bff (Bliz), chill with my fam, see my sister Mare, and go to ANOTHER wedding of two of my old (grade and high) school friends, Alicia and Eric. That'll be a fun one. And I bought a bomb dress in Asheville last weekend that I can wear with it.. providing Mary brings me some heels to match (holla at me PG).

Alright, this books been written. I'm off to shower, watch some soccer, eat some chicken, and hit the sack. Check ya later!

(Roma-Liverpool Update: ROMA's Michael Bradley (an American y'all) scored. Yahoo. He's only 24. I could've done that.)

Tuesday for the Books

I got home from work today by 5, and I was REALLY tempted to go to sleep. Yes, bed by 5 is not an strange, or even uncommon, occurrence for me. But I didn't. Why? Because I had to go to the gym. And I had to eat. And now that I got my workout in, I feel great, and am ready to get some more things checked off my to-do list!

I love the refreshed feeling a good workout leaves you with. I had back and rear-delts today and my shoulders are coming in pretty nicely. They are even a bit striated, which I LOVE. Also, as I was waiting for a squat rack to open up (20 minutes for someone to do 2 sets is ridiculous. I also want to add that I got my 8 sets in before the 2 guys next to me got in 2. TWO! On two different racks I might add. And I take my rest time. Get out of here, dudes!) .. carrying on.. I looked through my notebook and noticed I hadn't increased weight in the last 2 weeks for this workout for my shoulder presses, and hardly had increased in the last two weeks for my bent over rows. So what did I do? I increased weight on EVERYTHING and I did it with great form. By the end, my arms and back were exhausted, but man did I feel good. Then I did cardio, watched the 2nd half of the USA game, and caught up on my Danika Patrick news, and a little NFL talk. Then of course I caught a little of Deadliest Catch.. because that show is awesome. But I'm not going to lie.. I think I looked at the time every 2 minutes for the first half of it. My calves were tight and I thought my heart was going to explode -- a bit of an exaggeration since I don't think it got above 147 -- and I wanted to go home. But I finished it and I'm glad I did. GREAT workout.

Now it's time to shower and make dinner. Tomorrow's cardio entertainment will be a couple good soccer games, yahoo. Alright people I'm out. Make the most of your weeks!

Oh and FYI, I'm back on track with my nutrition, 2 perfect days to start the week..only 102 more to go!

Butts and Wet Hands

So I realized one important thing when I was in Asheville, and I am consistently reminded of it. I'm all for nature and being active and getting dirty. Fine. But not my hands. If I am going to fall I'm okay with my legs, arms, face even, getting dirty or wet or scratched. But my hands? Absolutely not. I hate having dirt on my hands.. but I think what really gets me, is having wet hands. It's like showering, washing my hands, washing dishes.. whatever.. takes a big mental effort because I don't want my hands wet, slimy, and I don't want to touch anything else with wet hands. It's gross. Like the reason I didn't take off my socks and shoes to play around in the waterfall.. I didn't want to get my hands wet touching my feet to put my socks and shoes back on. Ridiculous. It's especially inconvenient hiking or being outside, because when you trip/fall, you instinctively put out your hands. But thats exactly what I don't want to do if I have time to think about it. I guess I just need to learn to take it to the face... because that's where I'll be landing from here on out.

Monday was a long day. By noon, I had seen 12 patients, out of this world. I'm completely independent at my clinical now. I do all of the eval and treatments, renewals and discharges, myself. Today, and for the rest of this week, we have patients doubled up during treatment times, and I'm seeing both of them at once. Why isn't my CI taking one? I don't know. I'm getting a lot of practice though, and frankly I think I'm one hell of a PT. But I may be biased. A 15 year old's dad told me though that they liked working with me and that his daughter talked about me a lot at home. That's because she's not 60 years old and complaining of pain. She tore her ACL and wants to get back to playing ball. Can I kick her ass during therapy? Yes. And I love it, so of course she loves me!

I made it to the gym yesterday for my 40 minute cardio-sesh and loved it. Switched back and forth between Sports Network, Pardon the Interruption, and Around the Horn. I am all caught up on my sports and I can't wait to get back for more. USA game today so better believe I'll be loving me some treadmill walking after my back and delts workout!

Gotta head to work, patients are waiting for me to either kick their butt or massage their butt.. yes, I'll be digging my elbow in someone's butt today for ~18 minutes. Jeal much?

Asheville.. I can smell you from here!

I just got back from Asheville, and there is definitely some truth to the saying "Keep Asheville Weird".. but it was so great and awesome and it was a MUCH needed weekend getaway!

Zumba on the Green

My neighbor in Kansas, Jack Hull, and his girlfriend, Katie Swank at the Blue Ridge Parkway

We had an absolute blast. A day to explore the downtown and what the city had to offer, and a day to hike Mount Pisgah and the Blue Ridge Parkway. It was perfect, and it made me miss my hiking and fishing trip with my dad. I love the outdoors. I love hiking, I love camping, I love fishing, and this was just what I needed to get out of my funk I've been in lately.

Nutrition wasn't perfect over the weekend, I can't lie about that. I indulged a bit, and to be honest I felt guilty about it. My competition is 104 days and I'm ready to dedicate the rest of this time to that goal. I needed a break, and I'm glad I had it. It gave me some fresh perspective of my goal and why I'm doing it and it reinforced that it is something I want to do for me. I had a perfect 5 day streak last week.. and I'm ready to have a perfect 103 day streak, so Monday, come and get me because I'm ready for you!

I hope you all had a great weekend and are ready to tackle the week head on!